RoRoin - Thanks for your support! It's ok, you can still throw a 2x4 my way. I need it. I wasn't ready to mention Retrouvaille to H until yesterday when he asked me what we should do. Honestly, I expected him to dismiss it, and I'm surprised he didn't say anything. Maybe there's a little hope that he may come around.
Rick - I would have preferred a bonfire over h3ll, yes. It felt like something took control of me. It wasn't the pleading, begging kind of thing. I just went ballistic on H and told him off. I guess I was frustrated and angry and needed him to know. And the slap on the face, well he deserved it. I didn't really want to say or do those things, I just buried myself in the blanket and pillow and told him to leave me alone. Of course, he didn't. I still can't get over how he thinks we "were over". He could have shared that piece of information with me before opening up his heart to someone else.
BF - I don't know exactly what this backsliding did, but it sure disrupted the "calm" waters.
Mimi - Thanks for the support! I'm right there with you about being concerned that he doesn't want to take things slowly. He contradicts himself so much. Nobody knows what future will bring. How can you have any kind of certainty. Words don't make things reality. I'm afraid, too, that if things do start getting better and we do end up in a disagreement, that he'll say "Ha, I knew it." That's totally something he would do. And he sees OW EVERY DAY at work. They talk EVERY DAY. Even if work related and if he decided to reconcile, how can he keep doing that and not have any kind of thoughts about it - whether good or bad?
Regardless what happens and how slow or quick things move, at least I feel like maybe he still does care about me. He could have easily walked out, but instead he held me tight. Maybe it gives me another surge of strength to want to keep going.
