I too have felt the "I can't win no matter what I say" confusion. I think it is a reflection of the confusion raging in the WAS's head.... Since they aren't consistent with their own thoughts/feelings, their reactions are consistent. Unfortunately, us (the LBS) are the ones who have to 'react' to whatever state of mind they choose to be in.... Like trying to play chess in defense mode, instead of offense. I'm still too attached to move into being the *active* person, instead of the *reactive* one.
BTW, I have to let you know that I have so much respect for you 'still going' after all this time. I'm only 3 months into my sitch- and it's hard for me... I can't imagine doing this for as long as you've had. I regularly read your thread for motivation, I don't post too much- because I feel like there's nothing I could offer you- but I have so much I can learn from you. (not to hijack as well, but labug is another LBS that I look to for inspiration given the longevity of her sitch too.)
FWIW- I think you handled the conversation really well. You made him aware (without being defensive or attacking) that *his* requests are the reason things unfolded as they did and that *he* is responsible for speaking up if he's change his mind. Perhaps there's some kind of conflict about what he *thought* he wanted (his original requests) and how that reality made him feel. He didn't know he wouldn't like it until it happened, so now he's got to find a way to make *you* the bad guy for making him feel lousy. ***because we all know that the WAS never responsible for their bad/angry/sad/irritated emotions- it's always the LBS fault***
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
