On Sat. night, when H got angry and overwhelmed on the phone about our finances, he also brought up something I had no clue about.
He has been mad since MLK holiday because I got together with my SILs and the kids. I told him beforehand that I was planning to do that to celebrate my SILs new book and our birthdays. He didn't say anything.
On Sat. night, he said he was appalled that he wasn't invited that day and how hurt he was that he was left out by his family. He again blamed me for it. I defended myself (maybe not good DBing) saying that I didn't know why he wasn't invited and I had nothing to do with that. I said that maybe SIL didn't include him because he had asked his mom not to invite me to family holidays and that they have respected that wish, so she knew he didn't want to be with me and them together. I told him this was not a "family holiday" just us girls getting together with the kids.
I reminded him that he had told me that I should continue treating and seeing the family as if nothing, but asked him if he felt different and if he expected me to never again see what I have considered my family for 19 years. He was quiet and hesitated and said he didn't want that. So I asked him what we could have done differently so he would not be upset.
He finally just said "I just felt left out and I don't like to feel like my family doesn't include me." He asked how would I feel if the roles reversed. I told him I would definitely feel as hurt as he does and that I would probably talk to the host relative and simply ask why I wasn't included and resolve it. (My H and his family never talk about any issues and just bottle it all inside and avoid conflict). He said it wasn't worth it to him anyways, since this always happened. (huh?)
He then said he also felt left out the previous week when my mom had taken the kids to their first movie ever. I reminded him that I had asked him twice if he would want to take them with me and that both times his response was "I think they are too young for that." He responded saying that that didn't mean he didn't want to go, just that he was skeptical about it. huh???
But I held my tongue and apologized for the misunderstanding and for leaving him out. I feel like I can't win.
And the worst part is that none of this would have come up if I didn't ask. He just never brings anything up - still...
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
