"It is important for the PA to know that he/she is responsible for their own actions and must set their own boundaries. Because they lack empathy it is often necessary to point out the consequences of their actions or in-actions on other peoples feelings. By not clearly stating a position they are passing the buck to you, no matter what you will be held accountable, nothing is ever their fault."
Thank you for this! This is a reminder to me about so many things in the past! Having absoulutely no empathy for anyone else in regards to their actions. I remember many years ago xh had a big christmas party at work. He had chosen a girls name for a gft exchange. Being the big prankster he always is, boy did he have plans. Well as time went on, what he considered to just be a few prank joke gifts were becoming VERY inappropriate. I brought it to his attention and he wasn't very happy with me at the time. But I said to him #1 think about how emabarassed this girl would be. #2. You may have someone that's not going to like you very much after that. #3. You just may really tick off her boyfriend. How would you take it if some guy gave me these gifts at a party? What would you think their motvies were, or what were you calling her?
He re thought it and brought the prank joke down to 1 out of 3. Turns out the prank joke he gave her, really embarassd her. I said " see there, even that joke wouldn't have upset me, but look how embarassed she it. What if you gave her the other stuff?"
Have mercy as I was going through boxes a few months ago I found those prank gifts. Maybe I should give them to OW?
Question, 4myfamily....what other books have you read on PA? I have "Living with the Passive Aggressive Man". You're insights are so dead on...of course you living with this for as many years as I have.
I have to say that was a good call in regards to how you handled choosing the restaraunt... I liked that! One thing I noticed over the years was a decision would be made to go eat one place but en route to the other place another option would come up, and then trying to choose between the two would be an issue for 30 minutes.
I've noticed that XH seems to be acting out more in overtly controlling ways. I mean just coming right out and barking orders. Then turn around and pass the buck on other things.
