Background: S6 has a 'project' due on the 13th. The teacher sent it home 2 weeks ago. I had been working with S a little each day on perfecting his sentences using good handwriting. I left all the work we had done in a folder with the due date written on the front (I didn't want to do too much to where H thought I was controlling or insulting his abilities.) I ensured he saw it and knew what it was. I totally get this^^^...
Today: (the day before it's due) I get a call- and H is pi$$ed!! The conversation was long- but without going into all the details- H complained about how he doesn't know about S's daily school routines and was basically 'thrown into' this sitch. He didn't directly blame me, but he was pointing the finger at the teacher and in my direction for why he failed to do anything with this project all week long.
I held my tongue the whole time and only helped to solve the problem from this point on good for YOU!!! I am very impressed andI think, sometimes, DBing is easier over the phones. Not sure why. But well well done Purg. This is growth!
(I guess that SBA was taking over me!) Of course, the whole time I really wanted to yell at him for: 1. waiting until the NIGHT BEFORE to START the project when he's clearly had all week to do so... 2. For blaming everyone else except himself for this current problem. But I've adapted a new approach to dealing with him (and everyone for that matter)- if what I *want* to say doesn't help the problem and it's only purpose is to make someone feel bad- than it doesn't need to be said. [really wish I learned that concept A LONG TIME AGO!!]
better late than never...seriously. MOST people never learn this^^^ "secret".
He started criticizing himself because he think the teacher will think he's a cr@ppy parent.... Here's my clip for the academy awards: I said: "Mistakes happen. And S6 will be sending in some work as a good faith gesture- that's better than most kids would. I don't think anyone will think you're a cr@ppy parent, and *I* know you're not." His response: "Well, thank you. That makes me feel a little better."
AND THE CROWD ROARS!...CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP!!!! LOUD APPLAUSE!!! clap clap clap some more....
PLEASE Do submit it to the Academy for the category of "Best Acting In a Marriage Category"
but know you are in good company and it's a stiff competition...trust me.
I called back at bedtime to talk to S6, he was STILL working on it! H called me an HOUR later (they were in the car-why?!) and said that he was sorry but the kids had already fallen asleep. Here's his story: They were driving home after having to go over to OW's house because his laptop was there and S needed pictures that were on it for the project, and they were on their way back home now. He apologized for me not getting to talk with them tonight. That ^^^ is new...good!
I didn't say the 100 questions or 1000 statements about the problems with this whole entire sitch!! But between you, me and my keyboard: The fact that his laptop was at her house brings up a lot of bad thoughts and feelings about the level of their relationship and how involved she is with my kids.... kick those demons out. Use a stop sign and baseball bat. Don't let THEIR stuff (and your fears of it and your perceptions of it...) into your precious soul. Stay in your sandbox and do YOUR work....
Unfortunately, my efforts to stop thinking about these things and them- led to me crying harder than I have in over a month. Everything I've been trying to NOT think about during this trip- finally broke the levee and the floods came out. It was a therapeutic cry, which can be good sometimes.... but it's exhausting.
Off to bed early tonight so I can hopefully keep my brain from going to the bad place.
good cry, good night...this was a turning point for you, no matter what else happens.
It's a big step and you took it. Remember this day.
(((( ))))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
