Living in the trenches....Thread #5

[Navyguy]

Well, here I am...in the same place I was in a year ago....lying alone in "our" bed, after crying in the shower for about 20 minutes.

Things have been pretty terrible for the past week or so. I feel like a punching bag. W has slept downstairs the last few nights. She has no time for me...and seems to be making it a point to treat me horribly. Acts like im wasting her time anytime i say something, Yet today she spent about 4 hours on the phone with friends & her mom. Boy that made me feel special.

I don't know what's causing this this time around....honestly no clue. W says shes stressed from school, and that is true...but i dont see why shes treating me this way just because of that. She didn't finish an assignment last week. She was really upset about that. She has been drinking pretty heavily...she went through a handle of rum in 4 nights last week. No wonder she doesn't finish her homework. God forbid I tell her she's drinking too much.

I've tried talking to her about it. Tried explaining to her that she's being mean to me...and it got turned back on me. I made her "feel worse and was making it about me". Then i got the "we are still not in a good place and I only came back for the kids" line. That was followed by various wrongs I committed over 5 years ago. Same conversation we were having 1, and even 2 years ago. She refuses to move on.

I started taking it down the "you really aren't doing me or our kids a favor by living this way" path...but I changed course before telling her that she either needs to start working to save our marriage or start working to end it. I just can't bring myself to say something like that knowing it could cause my kids pain...and despite all this there is a part of me that still loves her very much.

I am stuck. I don't know what to do next. I feel like all I have left is to leave or kick her out...but I still do not want to be the one to end this...and that will probably keep me here in purgatory until she makes a move.

Well, good night everyone. Sorry this isn't better news...but to end on a good note, I took my kids swimming today for about 4 hours and we had a great time. They are so so so so great.