Forgiveness

[2thepoint]

Antlers, just wanted to follow up one last time before going to bed....not feeling well tonight.

You had mentioned earlier in my thread that by saying "we" that it takes a little of the sting out of the comment while at the same time shows me taking some ownership as well which you believed helps to create common ground. That's all I was thinking and doing.

The quote below was my original suggestion. Note that when I referenced "we" I was talking about that in the context of the opening sentence. You did this in your note to your Ex but then went on in your proposed response to place blame... "we both did things that contributed to.....".

"Something like, "Ex, I know we have been at each other in our various interactions and I'd really like to try to find some common ground as it relates to the kids. I love them and I know you do too. Here's what I'm thinking.... what are your thoughts?" Saying "we" in the opening statement takes a little of the sting out of your comment while at the same time shows you taking some ownership as well which I believe helps to create common ground"

On your post back to me below, you are attempting to justify what you included in your proposed response as not turning a blind eye...

"I'm not trying to get in a dig...I'm owning my actions...but not turning a blind eye to shared responsibility either. It doesnt sound 'accusing' to me. That's the truth. Do you still feel I shoul nix that part? Am I supposed to take ALL responsibility for what happened...like she wants me to?"

In essence, yes ^^^^^ if you ever want to get to a workable solution. I think this is what 25 is referring to as the scorecard. You've got to get rid of it!

I know that swallowing this crap sandwich really suks. But what is your alternative?

Think of it this way. God appears to you in a dream and says:

"Antlers, tell your Ex that you are sorry for all the hurt that occurred in your M, even though I know you are not entirely at fault. Take 100% of the blame and never, ever speak or think ill of your Ex again.

In return, I will give you ever lasting peace, your children will be forever well behaved and have hugely successful marriages and careers. And you will be granted everlasting happiness"

And you only have 2 choices. Accept everything that God has offered you in your dream, or go back to where you are today and never get off the proverbial dime.

Wouldn't it be worth it to take God up on his offer and turn a blind eye to shared responsibility and take ALL responsibility for what happened...like she wants me to... for the sake of the prize that God has offered you?

If your answer is yes, then see if you can't also do the same thing without Gods promise.

In other words you would have no guarantees. But maybe, just maybe you might still win the prize.

Does that make sense?