Waiting for the tides to change - 2

[BFloat]

last night i was going through the photos of H and S up on the mountain. i thought to myself.. wow.. he looks older.. and tired.. it made me wonder when i last really looked at him. i remember H saying just before christmas that he felt old (and he's only 32!). i use to wonder if he actually saw me (despite actually seeing me every day) and now i wonder, did i actually see him?

proud of myself. i applied for my own CC last night. no.. this is not my first one. hahaha.. i had one years and years ago when i was dating H. but when i went back to school i got rid of it. i never bothered getting a new one once i finished and just used H's. how dumb is that? our lives were so intertwined! it's about time i got my own again. will need it in case i want to go anywhere with the kids etc. i really can't believe i left it all these years.... sigh.

will be nice to have people in the house tonight. people to talk to.. not that chatting w/ my 5 and 2 yr old isn't fun.

[Grmpy_Mnky]

I know what ya mean. Last I saw the W she looked well-beyond her 39 years.

BTW - "...people to talk to.." and exactly what are we?:)

[BFloat]

GM - hahaha! point taken! you are all the best people in the world to talk to. it would be even greater if it was a chat forum! i really don't know what i would do without the DB board. i am thankful everyday.

everyone has just left and although it was fun.. it's really nice to have the blissful silence (well.. only 2 whiny kids instead of 4 lol).

watched a movie after kids went to bed.. sipped pink sparkling wine.. stayed up late talking and laughing.. some of the stuff that come out of women's mouths when they are together is just unbelievably hilarious! i woke up to my friend's kids walking into my kids' room saying.. "wake up S! it's morning!" it was about 730. good thing i made muffins the day before so breakfast was a breeze. good times.

H just txted asking how the party was on friday and whether we all had a good time. i'm not sure what to make of his txts. do i dare hope that he may be missing us? hahaha. maybe just the kids.

on a side note.. i have lost so much weight that i don't think i've weighed this less in about 10 yrs! my one gf was commenting that she was jealous. i said.. well.. you can lose all this weight too.. just have to have your life fall apart.. stop eating etc. hahaha.. the other gf said "i'd rather be fat". it was a funny moment. it must be ok if i'm able to laugh about things again.

[Grmpy_Mnky]

on a side note.. i have lost so much weight that i don't think i've weighed this less in about 10 yrs! my one gf was commenting that she was jealous. i said.. well.. you can lose all this weight too.. just have to have your life fall apart.. stop eating etc. hahaha.. the other gf said "i'd rather be fat". it was a funny moment. it must be ok if i'm able to laugh about things again.

^^^Lol -yeah all the people at work are amazed I lost 30 lbs. THey seem to think there is some secret to my weight lose.

[purgatory]

So glad you had a wonderful night with friends!!!! I wish I had recorded some of the conversations that I had with my gf when we would get tipsy- you're right: we all say the strangest things when we get together!! (especially of wine is involved!)

We should write a book: The D Diet.
It will rival weight watchers and Atkins... Like you said: all you have to do is loose all your confidence and your marriage!! I've lost 20 lbs in 2 months, I can wear my jeans that I wore for our engagement photos (8 years ago!). Although I think my family is determinded to make me gain it all back during my visits- they keep taking me out to eat and have all my favorite junk foods around the house!

I'm glad youhad a rejuvenating weekend to get you ready for the week ahead

[labug]

I now wear size 8 jeans...I don't think I've EVER worn a size 8.

[BFloat]

H and i exchanged a couple of txts today. he was asking how the "party" was for the kids. and then he just sort of.. disappeared. so weird.

so i decided to email H about spring break and my plans w/ the kids. i mainly emailed because i wanted to pull S5 out of school a week early as the hotel we are wanting to book isn't available the week he is actually out of school the strange thing is, it seems it's only our school district that is 1 week spring break rather than 2 like everyone else. anyway, in the past, i have always made those types of decisions myself and would just let H know. this time i thought, maybe i should be discussing this with him since he may have strong objections. there's my 180 for the day.

i've been thinking about my trip to ocean shores. in a way i'm nervous because it would just be myself and the kids for 3 nights. it's not that i'm nervous w/ just being with the kids.. i'm just wondering how i'm going to feel because it's similar to trips we've taken as a family and it will be the very first trip i've ever taken w/ the kids w/out H. but thinking about long walks on the beach.. quiet dinners.. watching movies.. reading while listening to the ocean.. it seems oddly comforting and there's a sense of "i'm doing it myself" that i'm looking forward to. it's a mixed bag of emotions.

need to start planning my GAL activities for next weekend. just have to keep busy when i'm away from the kids. can you believe it? the weekend has just ended and i'm already trying to plan the next one.

[25yearsmlc]

bf,

good for you planning a trip!!

The first trip I took w/the kids (and no h) was a ski trip but there was also a blizzard the night of the drive. Got stuck in the snow and s1 (then) did not know how to attach our chains...we slipped and slid and could not find the place...30 minutes later we realized we were stuck just about in front of it...little miracle?? you bet.

ended up having a lovely lovely time w/o h. Had movies, beer (for s19& me!) and games and snacks and a HOTTUB in the snow...even took our dogs.

Sled down hills and went Skiing, no injuries. Great time and only 3 days. Break it in gently--but we went places the family had NOT gone, fyi.

So no awkward recollections or emotions, just knowing if h were home, we would not have done it b/c he was always paranoid about money...

So We set the new tone and standard of family trips with our new family...if h joined us later, so be it. WE HAD FUN...

don't know where h was...not my problem.

Have a good time--btw, our schools only have 1 week for spring break and we're lucky if it's near Easter.

((( )))

[BFloat]

I'm actually planning 2 trips! The first one will be on the island w/ my gf and her 2 kids. That should be fun. We'll check out museums.. Beaches.. Parliament building.. It will just be nice for the kids as an adventure w/ playmates.

The second trip to ocean shores is similar to ones H and I have taken the kids to. But I have never actually been to ocean shores so that will be an adventure in itself. I wanted to take S and D because they love the ocean so much and thought it would be nice for the 3 of us to take walks and just have some down time together. .

H has not responded to my email yet. I may have to txt him (which I really don't want to do) because I want to book the stay soon. I could just go ahead and book w/out discussing w/ him about taking S out of school early but I think he may be resentful because he didn't have input.

Tired today. Last night I was thinking that I hadn't cried in a while and then guess what happened last night? I cried. Just remembering all that we've been through and wondering if H wanted to come back... Could I even forgive him for all the hurt?

[purgatory]

((((BF))))

There's something happening in the universe this weekend- seems like everyone has reached a low point on the roller coaster.... Did we all drink the same water?!?!

Sorry you cried last night, I did too. I noticed that I'm able to come out of it a bit faster each time- I hope the same is true for you.

Planning your trip is a great distraction- and besides, it sounds like an awesome time for the 3 of you!!! After spring break with the kids.... We need to plan Vegas in the summer