Right so can somebody decipher woman for me please??????? ??? ???
I was round at home tonight picking up D3 and my wife went out last night with some friends and she said there was something she needed to tell me, basically it was how she got hit on last night by a very drunk bloke and had to be rescued by one of her friends, but she said she thought it was best she told me. Anyway I got visably upset/angry about this but I contained it why did this upset and anger you so much? And if it was "visible" then it was not "contained".
and somehow I got on to how I've been feeling the last few days and told her that I feel like I'm on a constant adrenaline rush and am only getting about 3 hours sleep a night and for the last 3 days I've just felt like divorcing her but when I saw her tonight I knew there was no way I could live without her, we talked about trust and I how I've got absolutely no trust and she complained to me (very nicely!) about me asking one of her family members about something. And somehow I got onto how much she has hurt me with the whole EA and I don't feel I've done anything to her that even comes remotely close to the pain that caused. I said absolutely nothing about moving back in!
Then she started being miserable and her eyes were watering and she said "just move back in, do whatever you want! I won't be happy I'll just go back to being the old me" I explained to her that I don't want that, I want a fresh start and for us to work together, to be truly happy, I want the old marriage gone, learn from the mistakes and have a brilliant family and marriage.
Do not move back in without tools for improving the m, which you lack. You will repeat the mistakes of the past and separate again and lessen the chance of truly restoring your m.
What's different now? I don't see it.
How will your m be better and different than before?
There are many BIG downsides to moving back in too soon
and few, if ANY, downsides to taking it slowly and rebuilding FIRST...you are doing this backwards.
You both are reacting in fear, and not CHOOSING to change for real.
So what do you think? Was that some backward way of saying that she wants me to move back in? She obviously has no intention of a divorce, I'm going to move back in tomorrow unless strongly suggested otherwise on here, as at least I can then start really working on the marriage even if it's only me to start off with.
work on yourself first. To show your anger AT HER OR TO HER for OM making a pass is not healthy.
And I don't know why she told you all of it or if it was to get that reaction.
Neither behavior is mature. Sorry-- but you both need to work on yourselves and stay in your own sandboxes (for your own work and not stare at what the other is doing to match your efforst. That is score keeping and it hurts m's)
try to rebuild this m
with NEW ways of interacting. What were your 180s? Did you read the Div Busting or Div Remedy books?
Do so asap if you have not OR you will NOT have given DBing a real try.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
