What? So What? Now What?

[angel61]

Hi Crimson,

I wouldn't call that piecing yet, but at it does seem like a turnaround. Its a tentative step on your W's part to open her heart and mind to you.

What could I tell you as one who has been working hard at getting my M back together?

One is: Take it slow. Real slow. Do not expect anything. Do not push, do not overwhelm. I don't know if you have read the story about the squirrel .... someone here posted it so long ago, and I alsways remember it. Treat your W like a squirrel who you are trying to get to eat out of your hand .... you hold out the food, the squirrel comes closer and closer, but with any sudden move you make, it backs off, and you have to start all over again. Get it?

Keep on DBing - remember, no pursuit. Think of this as a time when you have to show your changes, and let her process it. When she is ready, she will slowly come back. You have made your move (the letter), give her time to process. Its huge that she is willing to go to MC with you. Tackle the problems one at a time. Look at it also as a time for learning. Open your eyes and ears to what your W is saying.

Yes, you may have changed....in your mind, and in your actions. But again, how sure are you those changes will stick? How does your wife know? You will have to prove it, and not through WORDS, but through actions.... and doing so takes time.

I thought I had changed, but now that me and my H are interacting more in a husband and wife manner again since we are now well into piecing, I find myself going back to my old ways. Just a week ago my H and I had a fight and he pointed it out to me. I paused and realized what he said was true.... and I remember what people have posted here, that we have to continuously work on our changes. So don't sit on your laurels just yet.... its just been a few months for you! Look at my timeline.... it took much longer than that.

Its is not going to be easy, so keep that seatbelt buckled, your coaster is still going.

keep posting and asking though....