I know what you are going through, and it is some tough stuff buddy....
I'm gonna post something that was written by Truegritter, our very own Rainbow Skittle eatin, Fluffy Bunny , Unicorn riding, Brokeback Cowboy...
It was the first thing to come to mind when I read your post...
Thank you, Sir Gritter, for writing this....
And not taking me to court for re-publishing it....
: )
I think it applies to all LBS's and I will preface this by saying this comes from my own experience. If you want to know what that is. It is here on these boards and in my own threads.
I do not write this to suggest that it is the ONLY way. It was MY way and if it helps you then take it and use i.t I am happy to share it with you and ask that you pass along what was given to me, that I give to you today, if you find it has meaning and truth to you.
This tragedy and the choices of your spouse against you is probably the toughest thing you will ever have happen to you in your life. It is certainly a traumatic event to say the least because it is the destruction of your life and what you thought you could trust and believe in about love and sharing your life with someone.
When that belief and trust is shattered you have to feel and deal with its loss. You can go in any number of directions:
-run away -blame and get angry -you can beg or plead -you can try to coerce, control and punish
In the end you have to find your own answer and THAT Only comes from making your own choice.
Not because of what someone else did BUT in spite of it.
Choose to love in the face of all the anger, agony and pain. In spite of what you feel you are a victim of. In spite of how others may perceive you. In spite of your own self doubt.
Choose for YOU and you will find what it means to love another. You will find what it means to love yourself.
You will only get this awareness after standing through much pain. Constantly questioning yourself and your beliefs. Testing your fortitude.
Then you will emerge with the truth. The truth forged in a fire. Your own truth.
Then you will know the freedom and peace that comes from knowing that NO ONE can ever take that away from you.
Some of the tactics and boundaries we might employ, while they certainly are an expression of what you do not want in your life, they can also cause us to make choices BECAUSE OF SOMEONE ELSE. We risk placing our self respect on the foundation of demanding someone else confirm us by either doing or not doing something. It makes it all too easy to lay the blame on the person choosing not to conform to our demands. You run the risk of not making your own choice for your own reasons. It relieves you of that responsibility. And you will not know your own truth because it has been written by someone else. It was written BECAUSE of someone else. When you STAND up for what you believe, in the face of this, it becomes clear that you are truly free from the consequences of the choices of other people. In the end love endures and does not fail. Finding that out though, is a hard way to go.
I can only say it is worth it
Your spouse has the journey to take as well. They are trying to find the answers to the same questions. They think it lies in another person or relationship. And they will find it or they won’t. Until they do their life, love and relationships will be broken. They, as we, will repeat the same mistakes until they learn this. Until they do the M is broken.
And you have no power over it. Your power and your salvation rest within yourself. So this is an opportunity to ask yourself:
Who am I?
What does love mean to me? Is it defined by its expression by another? Or how I choose to express it?
So do what you will and feel what you feel. The consequences and the failures only bring you closer to the truth IF you have the courage to keep stepping toward it.
Many obstacles will be put in your path to overcome:
All of these are pitfalls to this tragedy. All of these are caused by this tragedy.
Your goal is to reconstruct your SELF from this destruction.
And maybe...maybe...your M may be saved along the way.
Peace to you while you take the next step Rick...
Mach - I was in an internal rage tonight, wild with agony, thinking that I should create a new life and "f" her, but something in me and I can't name it keeps whispering "don't do it".
I just came home and read this post. I was panting by the end of it like I just fought a death match. Thank god you sent this. I needed it like a shot to the head...in a good way.
