you touched on a few things I think you might want to give some thought to.
in an unbalanced relationship, an unhealthy one, one person is unwilling or able to surrender fully to the relationship. They just don't or won't.
Only you know if your drinking is one of those things.
But it sounds to me like it is.
Have you ever considered going completely sober?
Getting help for that?
Would that be a 180 or a change that you might consider a step toward becoming a man you want to be?
The flip side to living with someone with drinking problem (I was the fixer to my W's drinking and substance abuse)is that the sober person ultimately becomes angry and resentful.
Is that where your W is?
Then next step is realizing she can't do anything about it and that means detaching from you.
So what is your M worth to you? It seems to me you know what needs to be done or at least part of it.
Do you have the will, the courage and the commitment to do it?
Maybe if she sees that guy take control she might be willing to join someone with such courage in the fight to save your M.
Your choice.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
