I have spent a fair amount of time researching narcissism. He has many of the characteristics but hasn't been formally diagnosed. The aspect that really pegs my H is that they can be very charming and personable, but unless it's about them, or if they can't get any more from you, then they just don't have a need for you. It's what I was illustrating when I referred to him as a "used car salesman." It's much more than that, though.
Since I'm not a psychologist, I don't feel completely confident settling on that diagnosis, so I keep driving myself crazy looking for solutions, like DB. The problem is that it simply doesn't work on them. If I give my H 100% of what he wants, he'll just want 110%. There is no reciprocity with him.
I'll have to look a bit more on how to deal with them. The most recent one basically said "this is what you get, you're not going to change them, so deal or move on."
