Sometimes I feel like bailing out and finding someone who gives a *(!@ about me, but I love my family too much for that. Still wondering if she has ended EA and want to tell everyone what pond scum he is for still being married (I know, she is in that too) and continuing to chase a married woman.
I didn't read your whole thread so forgive me but I am confused.
Does she want to repair the M?
[/color] Yes, at times, no at other times. She says she wants to be on her own, but realizes that it's not a possibility at this time due to our financial sit. She hasn't said she wants a D, just a S. I think she wanted to eat her cake until D found out about OM and she realized the hurt her A would have on the rest of our family.
BUT
What worries me most is your statement that she doesn't give a Sh!t about you.
Why do you think that? [color:#FF0000] Just the fact that there's hardly any physical contact now and she doesn't want to deal with any of our R issues at this time.
What made her feel that way?[/color] Living with my drinking for 21 years
What are her complaints against you? [color:#FF0000] Right now, she just says she doesn't love me or want to be with me except for our kids sake. She wishes we never married 15 years ago, etc...She really doesn't want to talk about anything except telling me if I want her back, I have to let her go.
Is that you? Are you the taker. If its you then you probably don't know it's you because to me if you do that then you have an inability to see outside of your own wants/needs. A certain lack of empathy. [/color] You are spot on here, I have to admit I've sucked all the oxygen out of our R for a lot of the 22 years. I am working on me now for me, and hope I can salvage this, because I really do love her. I let her go for a few months 17 years ago and we still lived together, but lived as roommates like we do now for a while and she told everyone she was leaving me, but I changed for a while and she came back then we got married about a year later. This is why maybe she's waiting out to see if I am really making changes, because her primary LL is acts of service, so words are cheap to her, especially after I've not lived up to them in the past. The thing is, and this is my fault, after I'll quit drinking a while, we'll go out and she says, "i don't care if you drink," and I do, then it becomes a problem for me again. I cannot do that anymore for me, regardless because it's my issue, not hers.
Because you don't control your W and if you have tried or are in the habit of controlling her by holding her emotionally hostage your efforts to expose her A will be met with hostility and a sense of entitlement. For her to make that choice(having an affair) in reaction to your treatment of her took a long time to make.[color:#FF0000] This is me to a T so maybe I shouldn't expose to the world. She promised me and D last week it was over with OM and I read her NC letter to him, so maybe I should lay low there for now.
Either way you can't control your W only YOU. [/color] true!
So ultimately the question is what do you hope to accomplish by blowing this whole mess up in front of the world?
Will it make you a better man to drag your W and OM out into the open?
If you do not value yourself more than that then it is time to ask yourself why? [color:#FF0000] Right now, I do suffer from low self worth issues and she has I need to "get a sense of self."
Why when you look in the mirror do you not see someone you admire and aspire to be looking back you? [/color] sometimes, yes, sometimes no.
As long as she sees the same man she left behind, you are destined to be that man. [color:#FF0000] I'm not that man anymore, but it's a work in progress and I hope she realizes it before it's too late!
My advice is to start focusing on yourself.
Make the changes for you not for her.
M 43, W 40 T 22. M 14 D 14, S 9, S 8 DD 11/21/11 Retrouvaille 4/13/12--and the healing begins as we begin a new journey together!
