CAUGHT HIM IN HIS LIE!

[MynameisMZ]

Endeavor,

THANK YOU! I'm in a snarky mood, so be fair warned. ......

"I do know without a doubt that if I knew about my H's A while it was going on, I would have confronted him and I would have let him know that I could not and would not be in M with three people. Not as an ultimatum but simply because that's one of my boundaries. I could not knowingly be the wife of some woman's (and I use that term loosely) boyfriend."

Ahhhh...someone agrees with me! Yay. Endeavor, you explain your limits so well. I was there too. Every M is different, every A is different, so you have to assess for yourself what will be needed. Like you, I didn't know for a long time. I denied it, thinking I was paranoid, thus ignoring all the clues. Even asked him and since I thought we were strong, believed him when he denied it. Asked for a better R and M. He just kept up the A. Even texted her from our hotel bed at 5 AM while we were on a vaca to improve our M! After ML to me!
It wasn't until it was on its outs that I woke up and couldn't ignore the clues. He was dropping them unconsciously on purpose....I really believe that. He needed me to help get him out of it. AND he had my attention then too. Stopping the A would have risked losing that attention. So, beware of a man's need for nurturance and attention. They really ARE SO SIMPLE as NBlost's IC pointed out to her.

....which leads me to Angel.....

Angel,

Yes, that book is on my bed side table. Explains a lot! I am amazed at how his shame is so right there. I vented this AM in Keeping Changes Going or some such thread. Even my saying something out loud or adding to something he's said gets reconstituted as me disagreeing with him, dissing him, complaining...blah blah blah....I'm exhausted.

So, yes to what Endeavor says, piecing is HARD work. Harder when you BOTH need to change. One person can only do so much. Really! I know the premise for DB, it's solution based and one person making changes does effect the "system." Sigh, but when the H does crappy behavior day-in and day-out and there is no change despite your best DBing efforts, it can lead to burn-out. You are only human.

And so to you Abbey19...I stand behind what I've said all along. I refused to be a part of the A by maintaining its secrecy once I found out the truth..