Thanks Val & labug. Yes I gave in. Its not that I was against the email communication but as 2TP suggested I could try to use it as an opportunity to have a face to face but W didn't want that so I looked at this as an opportunity to communicate and have some dialogue with her that we haven't had in a while.
She brought this up and requested it, not me, so yes I took the bait but don't feel I was pursuing but maybe she could interpret it as so.
She said she is also willing to talk in person but email is a better way for her to process right now. She wants to be able to read and reflect in black and white. I said what we are discussing is anything but black and white and filled w/ emotions and I feel deserves to be dealt with on a personal level.
She said she agrees and that she wants to understand my thoughts clearly. She stated when we discuss in person that we have a tendency to walk away with different perspectives and also said that old habbits die hard.
She said she is trying to open up communication, not shut it down, but in a productive way that works for her.
So I caved and we exchanged multiple emails last night.
She is concerned about the possible future custody of our kids and wants to know how I feel she has been as a mother to our kids since we've been seperated and how I feel her adoptiong our nephew will impact our kids.
Their is a part of me that felt she wants this on email to protect herself or use it someone for legal purposes so I kept that in the back of my mind during the exchange.
She opened up slightly which I told her I appreciated and did my best to validate. She said that she knows her decisions impact others but said its taken her years to be able to make decisions for herself and not based on what I or anyone else thinks. Also said her decisions are not easy and come with a lot of anxiety.
She said we have a lot of things to figure out over the next few months/years and knows that we both have the best intentions but not a lot of skill in working things out. I asked her what can we do to improve those skills (no answer)
She said the last 7 months have been very hard for both of us but hopes we can build on that and move forward, wherever that forward is.
She also clarified that she kissed someone at a bar, not hooked up and that she is open to what the world brings her. She can't say dating is completely off the table because nothing is in her world but she is also not seeking that out. (I told her that I understood)
Their are a few other concerns she has but says we rarely discuss anything besides the kids and work. I told her that I am here to discuss anything and that I have done my best to give her space to do what she is doing and not pressure her with anything and that is the reason I have been reluctant to bring things up, out of respect for her request. I asked her to empathize with the position I'm in regarding that and asked her not to assume that not asking about things means I don't care.
I reiterated that I accept and appreciate who she was, is, and is becoming and that I am here to discuss anything whenever.
I ended by stating that I continue to pray for her peace and happiness.
And then I wrote P.S. Old habbits do die hard but I have found it such a releif each time you eliminate one.
I never once asked her what she thought about me or us or what she thinks about a R and feel I did my best to be supportive w/o pursuing. She was reluctant to answer some of my follow up questions but at least I know a few of her concerns and maybe this will lead to further and improvement of our communication.
We ended the night talking lightly and joking on the phone for about 45 minutes so that felt nice but it for sure was an emotional night.
I'll do my best to have 0 expectations and for the 1st time when I woke up this morning thinking about her and what she was thinking I put the stop sign up and said "No", what am "I" going to work on or do today.
