Wife in "D - Freight Train Mode"

[labug]

What's the colleague's relationship history?

I have those days too and I'm coming up on a year S (after being married for 33 years). But then I think, what else would I be doing other than GAL, which I'm doing now. I've got too much invested in this not to give it my best shot. And I love and miss my H.

I'm sure many people think I'm crazy as a loon but they aren't living my life. Sometimes it sounds crazy to me.

[Grmpy_Mnky]

He has been married for 30 years. He is the kind of guy that is"morally flexible" though. Only reason it bugged me is because he shares an office with my wife.

Almost a year, wow! Don't know if I am willing to do that. Then again I might.


Thanks for the response bug

[Grmpy_Mnky]

Ok, here at work bored to tears and feeling crappy - doubtful about my sitch.

W is back in town. emailed me this morning asking me to let her know when she can pick up the dogs and drop the mail. She also asked if I would go to the ATT store with her to get our phones worked out. Don't know if I can see here right now.

[BFloat]

Well.. I've bomb dropped about 4 months ago and H has been out of the house for 3 and yet.. It feels as though it all happened last week (minus the complete
emotional meltdown I experienced). Before I know it, it will be 6 months.. And then maybe a year.

It's surprising to discover what we'll do when faced with adversity. I guess we just know when we're "done".

Hang in there

[purgatory]

I haven't heard the fat lady sing yet.... have you?

When the bomb dropped 3 months ago, I never thought I would get to the place I am now. Granted, I still have bad days where I want to crawl under a rock and lick my wounds.... but those are farther and farther apart.

(call me a dork) I often scan quotation sites for inspiration and keep some in a file to look back on when things get rough.... here's one for ya:

Adversity has ever been considered the state in which a man most easily becomes acquainted with himself.
Samuel Johnson

Would we have ever learned so much about ourselves, if we hadn't had a bomb dropped? Probably not.

((monkey))

[Grmpy_Mnky]

Thank you ladies!

[Grmpy_Mnky]

Doing better now. How do we get to the insecure places after we have made so much progress? Really friggin bizzare.this vexes me consistently. i can give all the appropriate advice to others, yet I am lost every three days or so.

[25yearsmlc]

I think it's b/c your progress and growth are not liner really. You evolve, backslide, and skip forward, or plow slowly some days...

But when you step back from the forest and you can see the trees--your growth

insights, are self evident.

Give yourself an internal deadline (just for you to know) that will be the light at the end of the tunnel.


In say 6 months or a year (If those time lines made you groan then at least go for 90 days) so she can sense consistent change in You of sufficient duration...

THEN when the "deadline" comes up you reassess and ask yourself how things are going.

"Do I still want this m to be restored (not just "to last" but to be happy in it??)--has she shown signs of change?

IF I still want the marriage, that does not mean "I want it, at any cost"--remember that.


How long can I endure this or worse?

If I filed it, how would my life look?

**NOTE you can re-set your deadline too! DO another 90 days of DBing and GAL and DETACHING with another deadline...

This deadline YOU will have means you wont' let yourself be in limbo forever.

Embrace your ability to choose. You are not powerless.

You can walk away any time and the world will keep going and YOU WON'T DIE...

Knowing my legal/financial rights helped ease a lot of fears. I'd suffer some but we would make it. Find out what your sitch really would be for you.

I'd be happy either way. [bYou need to Get to that place (mentally and emotionally) and savor it.[/b]

If you get w back, you'll be in a better place to partner w/her

and if not, you're still in a better place.

Keep on keeping on..Your life is moving even if you can't feel it...

[keep_going]

I have those days too and I'm coming up on a year S (after being married for 33 years). But then I think, what else would I be doing other than GAL, which I'm doing now. I've got too much invested in this not to give it my best shot. And I love and miss my H.

I'm sure many people think I'm crazy as a loon but they aren't living my life. Sometimes it sounds crazy to me.

It's been 13 months for me now. I also love and miss my H. I have stopped talking to everyone about my intention to still save my M - everyone has told me now to give it up and move on.

But I am not ready. I also want to give it my best shot, and I have not done the necessary work in these 13 months.
Too many backslides, not consistent changes. No progress with H.

So I am not ready to give up. Like 25 says, until I know that my H has seen consistent changes of sufficient duration in me, I will not feel like I have tried my best.

How long will that be? Good question.

Grumpy M - I guess we'll all eventually know when we are there...
I am glad you are feeling better now, though. Hang in there.

[labug]

KG, I just posted on your thread.

I've been reading a lot of True Gritter's old posts and he has some thoughts on knowing when it's time. There is so much more to this DBing than just saving a marriage. I have changed so much in the way I look at the world, at myself, at my kids, my friends-everything has changed. And the biggest plus, I'm a happier person.

I wrote this before I read 25's post above. Great read and pretty much ecohoes my feelings.