Forgiveness

[antlers]

I have had different thoughts from everyone else regarding your son, so I have kept my mouth shut. I am no expert on childbearing, as I have had to start counseling for my D, but here goes. Different thoughts and opinions are always good Gineen. I'd appreciate you not holding back just because your thoughts and opinions are different. I don't think any of us here are experts at child rearing. Let's have it!

I never agreed with "give S space, let him go be with his mom and back off" SOMEBODY needs to take control here. He doesn't need space, he needs discipline! If it is interfering with his school, someone needs to take the reigns. Both your son and daughter are going to the opposite parents when one things they can't get anything by on the other. I would say one can't go running to the other ones house when they don't like the discipline. It seems that's what they are doing. They can't get away with at one house, so they go to the other's, once that welcome wears off,t he behavior isn't tolerated, they run back to the other parent.The situation is though that neither of us are in a position to stop them from going to the other parents house whenever they choose to. They are teenagers, not toddlers, and the courts will allow kids their age to go where they want to when it comes to parents...regardless of the legal status of the kids go. When you have one parent who refuses to be on the same page as the other when it comes to discipline and consistency...it makes the situation more difficult. We have joint custody of both kids, with me primary custodian of our son and her primary custodian of daughter. The GAL that she got involved recommended full custody of son to me, and the same with our daughter to her. My lawyer said the Judge woul ho along with those recommendations. I told my lawyer at mediation that joint custody was OK with me. I didn't want to be a hardass concerning the kids...even though she had tried her hardest to take them away from me.

They are still kids. They need control. Of course it would be so much better if you can coparent. But right now, I think they may be actually looking for one parent to take control. This is just my observation from what you write. Like I said, I am a newbie at the child-rearing thing, but yes, I know instances like this. My dad even did it. His parents divorced when he was 10. His dad was not so present, in and out, but when he didn't want to "deal" with his mom's discipline, he ran to his dad. Finally his mother put her foot down and he straightened up his act. I agree with everything you've said Gineen. They need discipline and consistency. Unfortunately, the situation is what it is. I feel like I've extended the olive branch concerning our kids. 

So, that's my advice, and kind of what I was thinking, but didn't want to interfere with the other's completely opposite opinion when they have much more parenting experience than I.

But, it sounds like you may need another suggestion. I did get in touch with her after our daughter left her home...unlike her when my son left my home. My only concern now is the well being of our kids. BTW, I always appreciate your responses...even when you're bustin' my balls. Thank you.