I have read a lot of the threads here and they have really helped me to realize the roll I may have played in this situation. However, I still would like some insight from some of the Mods or people who have been through this. I feel like I am drowning in a sea of uncertainty.
I wish I was good at giving advice. I can only relate and share my experiences in this.
In the beginning and for some time after bomb drop, I blamed every single thing on H. When I found out about the co worker he was spending time talking to, making cd's for, and having lunch with.... I blamed her too. It has taken me some time to see that I did play a part in the disconnect that happened in my marriage. It didn't make his EA right, but it took a long time for me to get to the place where I could accept that there were things I did or didn't do that put our marriage on the road it was on.
The best thing I can say that I did was, I listened to him a lot without interrupting him and let him talk out his feelings. I never pushed him to talk either. I listened to what he told me he felt was wrong with our M, or things I did he didn't like. I took what I felt was important and began to work on those things in my own way, by changing things here and there. I also made these changes with the thought that this is going to be a permanent change.
Thing I found out is, when we don't keep our changes, things can go right back to as they were. As it is, the WAS feels hopeless about the relationship, and doesn't think that things can change. Most times, the only thing they think will bring on a change is to leave. This is where my h was coming from. Not sure where yours is at.
I know it's a very confusing time. Extremely stressing and worrisome. Hope that what I have shared can somehow help in your situation. Be good to yourself!
