Seminole, I read this post and I see the struggle for clarity. I know that feeling.
Think about it for a second though: she waltzes in and waltzes out. You know that. You wondered why your emotions are helter-skelter? I think you know why though.
She wants you as a plan b. Her methods are childish and show what she is. The confusion and whether or not she is still in the tunnel? Really?
Can you be friends with her? That's really the question at the moment from what I see.
What you do or don't do is your choice and yours alone. The people you see, hang out with, date, etc. All yours. Only you will decide and only you have the consequences - good or bad. Leave her out of it and make your decisions based on what you want. That's not selfish, that's a mature reaction to the situation
You're doing well. I know the feelings you have well. I couldn't understand ex's behavior or why she wanted to "talk" or have me come over to pick something up. It wasn't for anything good I can tell you that. It was about control and wanting to be the victim. I woke up to that and see it much more clearly.
In your case, it seems it's about confusion, but it's not healthy for you to be as attached as you are. Her actions don't say anything to me other than she is confused and unhappy. Not because of you, but because of her choices. Her way of dealing with it is to look for the familiar which in turn is going to drive you nuts. Like this.
Step back and see the perspective.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
