So it's been nearly 2 weeks since wife said she wanted to take off wedding band, and I have been pretty much dark. I haven't called, texted, or emailed (except when I was confirming her pick up time from daycare for my d). Me stopping that activity, was a 180...and thusfar...I don't think it's really worked. Perhaps, this will take more time. Perhaps, I will keep it up for another 2 weeks to see if she starts to be curious. But I somewhat feel that she just doesn't care anymore--care in a way that a happily married woman would care about her husband.
It's hard to answer my daughters questions about why Mommy's not at the house anymore, etc. It's hard to explain to a 3 year old why her parents aren't living together anymore. She just thinks she has 2 houses to play at now. I really want her to have two loving parents as a template for her when she's old enough to start thinking about getting married.
That aspect of this whole situation makes me most angry at my wife. I feel like she's being infinitely selfish in walking away from our home and potentially turning our daughter into another statistic. I don't know if that makes sense, but that's my feeling at times. Of course I know my highly opininionated, judging, and stubborn ways (Now changed for the most-part, I think) were what caused her to leave. But that wasn't all of it.
I always had this vision of my wife and I, as Octagenarians, dancing at somebody's wedding. I was serious when I joked with her I wouldn't care when her b--s sagged to her waist--I still would love her. She used to say divorce wasn't an option; and I still do. So why in the heck is this happening to me? It has to be karma?
I don't drink, I don't smoke, or use drugs. I take good care of myself, etc. etc. I've never hit my wife, or called her a bad name, etc. etc. Why is this happening?
Here's why I think this is happening--
I know the reasons, and won't go into it again, but still sometimes it just seems so unfair. If I was unfaithful, abusive, or an absentee husband, I can see why...but everyone that knows me, knows I'm a good guy--so it still sometimes feels so unfair.
But on a positive note, I moved the bed down to the first floor bedroom, and love it. No old pipes keeping me up--and the bathroom is only just a few steps from the bedroom (convenient when it's time for a late-night tinkle.)
I haven't been GALing as much as before, simply because cash is tigher now that she's moved out. But I'm doing thins at the house and still taking good care of myself, I'm just not spending as much money. I think you can still GAL and not spend money right? Have to say I love my library, I pick up a lot of books there and keep up my reading--which helps too.
"Things are never bad; it's the way you think about them." -Epictetus
