I read your thread, and you're doing great. You're dealing with a lot of stuff right now, and it's normal to have a crutch. I'm not playing devil's advocate, sinc you just had your first AA meeting last night--just keep going and be patient with yourself.
A good book to read which might help fuel you desire to keep off the sauce is: A Magnificent Mind at Any Age, by Dr. Amen. He shows what brain scans look like of people that drink every day, and it's shocking. We all joke about killing brain cells, but it's astounding how much you mess up your gray matter by drinking.
I'll wait a few months for you to be off the sauce before I start busting your chops about the cigarettes That will be a tougher road to go down, since both you and your wife smoke--that should be something both of you can do after you get your marraige back on track.
On that note, you're in a better place then you know. Regardless of what you're wife is saying--she's there. Regardless of wether you're her man-servant or not--she's there. Just keep doing the DB work, the AA work--stay on the course you've set for yourself, and you'll find that you make it out the other side a much better person. Not that you're not one already...it's just that you're somewhat enslaved by the addictions, which isn't necessarily your fault. But again, we want to take responsibility for ourselves, right?
I'm somewhat reticent to share my views on health with close friends and associates, but I'll say this: modern, western healthcare is good for 2 things: when you're mortally wounded, and when you have some sort of medical problem and you don't know what it is. Diagnosis, and Emergent care. The rest of it can be thrown out with the trash (yes, this view is part of the reason why I'm now a DB'er--but I digress). That being said--I recomend you look into a movie called Sick Fat and Nearly Dead--it's a low-key introduction to the way I believe is the only truly healthy way to live. Basically, the stuff we put into our bodies very much dictates the quality of our life.
Now I'm not riding a high horse...I went through a sleeve of peanut butter girlscout cookies today, and I felt like crap afterwards--so I'm now making the mental note not to do that anymore...but the point also is--we all are working towards our ideal in fits and spurts--it's Ok to fail from time to time, as long as we keep going toward our goal.
The good thing about you going to AA is that you can very well stop the cycle of your S seeing his dad ruin his life through alcohol--and This could be the supreme 180 that your w needs to see before she decides to stick with you.
So take this as an electronic pat on the back. I'm proud of you.
One last book recommendation: Google: "Complete System of Self-Healing Internal Exercises pdf" it's by Dr. Stephen T. Chang. I recommend this book because you're doing Tai Chi, which means you understand that our bodies are electric, and have energies that move through us. there is an exercise in there for the thyroid that you may want to share with your wife--but more importantly there are a lot of low key exercises for you that won't require any crazy gym memberships or equipment. Plus you'll be able to download the pdf copy of the book for free on to your computer.
"Things are never bad; it's the way you think about them." -Epictetus
That will be a tougher road to go down, since both you and your wife smoke--that should be something both of you can do after you get your marraige back on track.