"I miss the love and affection. I miss the hugs. I miss him saying that I'm beautiful and that I'm the only one for him. The more time passes by, the more it seems to become a distant memory. I start questioning why I should put up with it. I want to be appreciated. I want to be loved. I want someone to want to grow old with me."

I'm with ya on this one. The lack of affection was a factor in my breakup, and I always thought I could take it or leave it... Now that it's gone, I realize how much I had it and that I miss it now.

I'm super impressed with how you handled the texts today. One thing that I thought about is this: The simple fact that he *asked* you if it would be ok (or even involving you in his planning process) says that he still thinks of you as his wife- in some way. I mean, would he just ask a guy friend if 'it would be ok' to go somewhere- no.

Your H seems to enjoy the benefits of marriage- ML, having meals together, talking with someone at night... but doesn't want the whole package that includes: responsibilities, accountability, giving more than taking. When he moves out (if he ever does) he'll quickly see that the certain things he enjoys, are gone too because they are part of the whole package of marriage. I've wanted to tell my H that our marriage is not an 'al a carte' menu- you can't just pick and choose what you want to have and when- he has to accept the WHOLE menu.

As hard as it is going to be for you to swallow your irritations, I think you should tell him to have fun on the trip- there's always the chance that he might change his mind and not go because he is aware of how you feel about it (he said so without you having to say it.) Remember, it's not our jobs to have any effect on their lives- They have made it clear they want to live separate and apart lives: this means *they* don't get any influence in our activities, and vice versa. I think this is also reflected in the way that he was drilling you about you going out (he still thinks he has a *right* to know these things- and if you were still M, you probably would have told him)... He has to realize his decision cuts both ways.

You are doing amazing at holding it all together, and keeping calm in front of him. Maybe you can take up boxing or target shooting- using H's photo as a focal point- could be very therapeutic!! LOL!

M-31, H-31
T-9, M-7
S-6, s-20mth
sep 8/1/11
ILYNILWY 11/29/11
Creating separation papers.
Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12
H moves out 1.20.12