She doesn't think she's confused, she doesn't see her own contradictions. I haven't been letting her get away with that lately. When she makes statements like "I need very little", I point out that she makes it very clear when she's not getting what she needs, and she in fact needs quite a bit.
Well if you make the presumption that she is still in crisis then - of course she will not admit to being wrong. More likely it is all YOUR fault. And while I am sure that you are not perfect(no one is), she needs to have at least 50% of the blame as well as you having 50%.
I think that is why the counselor is saying that this is not sustainable.
Now I do not agree with the counselor that you should terminate the marriage.
Set enforceable boundaries and live with those.
Originally Posted By: Accuray
When things were at their worst I was convinced that the only interests she had were watching TV, talking on the phone, and shopping, because she didn't do anything else.
These sound like depression characteristics to me. Again perfectly normal for a MLC.
Accuray maybe what I am trying to say is their might not be anything you can DO that is going to FIX this.
Until she wants to be part of the marriage you are in limbo.
Contracts, talks, agreements are all just words. Actions need to match the words. She must want to get better before she will. When the PAIN of changing is less than the PAIN of staying the same then you will see movement. Not until then.
Quote:
After the bomb, this has literally been a "reset button push" and the landscape is being redefined, so her historic behavior (or mine), while it may provide insight into her capacities, from my perspective is no longer the rule.
You will need to build a new marriage, the old one was destroyed by the bomb, don't try to go back to the old one. It is gone.
