DB'ing is sooooo hard (part 2)

[BklynMom]

I think you are right that trying to find this absolute detachment is impossible. When I have tried to be completely detached it has kind of worked the opposite for me and made me more upset by the the circumstances.

The fact is we are in situations where our S will always be a big part of our lives because of our children. As parents we also want what is best for our kids which we know to be a 2 parent home. So the idea of complete detachment I think is unrealistic.

For me rather than trying to detach completely I just try to live in the moment. This morning I was grateful that H came and walked with us to school. There were things I could have been annoyed about with him, like how checked out and self centered he was acting but I just tried to focus that we were spending time together.

So for me, I call it more living in the moment and living in today versus detaching. Regarding your one sided conversation with your W, I would try to appreciate her passion for photography and think, well today I cant share my side but maybe tomorrow will be that day.

Maybe detaching and living in the moment are two sides of the same coin but that is the perspective that is easier for me.

Also know that you are doing everything you can to help your W. For your children's sake you can not blame yourself for not being perfect, not perfectly detaching, not perfectly DBing. You are doing your best. You need to love yourself first. Your children will sense it if you blame yourself and live in a land of self pity.

I think you rock, rick. Hang in there