Sorry you're going through a deep low! I've been feeling very similar lately, questioning everything. I can see that it's very much one-sided for me as well, and I keep thinking 'what about me'? I know it sounds selfish, but why don't we deserve someone who can at least try to do the same back? At least try?
I'm sorry to hear about your mom. Reading this, I think to myself "I don't want to die alone". I know some people don't need companions and are okay living on their own, but I like having a companion. For me, it makes it so much more worth living. I want that companion.
You've been DBing longer than I have, and I admire you for sticking with it and being strong. You've come a long way and have positive proof to show for. Though progress is moving at an extremely slow rate, it still is progress and it matters!
