Well ... I'm back

[tpc1977]

I read Al-Alon books. My wife goes to NA meetings, and Aftercare meetings. She really tries to control her addictions but I think that's her problem. Control. She accepts that she's an addict but tries to push these feelings and failures down. Not many times will she really open up to her sponsor, to me, to friends, to family. She bottles up and hides. The anxieties, fears, and guilty feelings become way more than they are and begin to cloud her judgement. So, in turn, she wants to drink to feel good for a moment or talk to some other man. Eventually it'll come out and her guilt will turn to anger, resentment and blame. Then she'll start thinking that she's unworthy of being a wife or mom or friend and want to escape. Where's her escape? A drink or another man.

See, she has to be drug tested so hard drugs are off the list. Drinking is something different. Several times she's decided to stop - even picked up another White Chip to begin anew. But before long she'll get the urge and justify it by saying that if it's ok to smoke or drink coffee it should be ok to have a drink sometimes. I agree that there is a double standard in the NA community with nicotine and caffeine or even abusing OTC stuff. But I try to tell her not to look at what others are doing but look at what you feel is right - deep down inside.