Abandonment: W says her aim is to find the man who will make her feel totally secure, no matter what she does. Not sure what man will feel totally secure in a marriage with a woman who now is about to have 2 marriages behind her and in both she had two affairs,including her first marriage which she lied to me about 'because if I told you the truth you might not have married me'.
Projection: This is someone who quite clearly is not happy with her life, is carrying a lot of inner turmoil, lacks spontaneity,and is always looking for the perfect man to make her totally secure. 'YOU are depressed';, 'YOU are such a pessimist', 'when did YOU start having a problem with sex?' 'Tou need to see someone', 'There's mental illness in YOUR family'.
Because of the damaged child in side the PA seems to build a whole new persona, life and history on covert actions. deviousness and lies. It's a whole new reality sadly because the actual reality is often just to painful. Sad, I feel for anyone who has to suppress all that hurt but 'I didn't break her it's not my job to fix her'.
Its important for the PA to deny you what you want. Classic case here of PA or MLC behavior. Sorry vent coming up!! W has new boyfriend (20 days after moving out!) New target for the PA behaviors or MLC bandaid. Basically first/only available male anyway.
Not sure whether this exchange is PA or MLC or both took place a week ago. Me 'are you in a sexual relationship?' W 'maybe'. Me 'If you are just tell me we are all adults and it will speed up the divorce process' W 'Okay yes we are and I will not contest it'. Me 'Good send me the details of where and when and I will file the papers ASAP' W 'Good I will and I will not contest it!'
Several prompts later and still no information nearly a week later.
But 2 days ago: She asked for some papers. No problem I will drop them in to your office. I give her the papers she hugs me and gives me the 'I love you but not in a sexual way' speech. Wants to go for coffee, very convivial, 'there's a new counselor in town I think we should go to see her to discuss how to handle the divorce re our sons' I say that's fine please arrange an appointment.
Appointment arranged and I say I still need the information for the Divorce Papers. W: 'Well if that's the way you still want to go fine but shouldn't we wait until after we have seen the (new) counselor you don't know what might come out of it.' Is this PA chain-jerking or MLC cake-eating/clinging to the edge?
Today I called her on this, told her not to try to even imply there might be hope for a reconciliation especially whilst she is in a relationship with another man. Asked yet again for the information for the divorce papers. W denied any implication of giving (false) hope, that's not what she meant or implied at all. She said 'I am not that complicated" yeah right! Only a lifetime of deviousness in which to perfect the techniques of PA! (Or is it MLC?)
