H does not wear his ring. He never did except for special occasions. I never took my ring off, and when I did it was just to get his attention. It didn’t work, and I felt naked, and put it back on. A year or two later and things looked worse I took it off again, and have not put it back on yet.
The couch! Wow I hated that the couch was so comfortable that H could spend every night for almost 6 years on that couch! It still amazes me that when I slept alone I could hear so many noises he made on the opposite end of the house, and now he sleeps next to me and I don’t hear when he gets in and out of bed most of the time. But the couch is still here, for now, but may soon be replaced. Some friends are furniture shopping and their good used stuff will be up for grabs.
I’m not saying anything I did brought H back home. I’m just saying the opposite of that and I did things that kept him away. Some things were trivial that he used for a reason to blow up. Some things I did I considered ‘right’ but he didn’t and he fueled his anger. It was only when I finally got myself right enough most of the time and led my own life, moved forward with my life but left room for him to join me, and left him living the life he created and thought he wanted, THAT is when the slow wide turn home started for H.
My H isn’t perfect, but I didn’t believe he was a bad guy. If he was then I was very wrong when I married him. He is a very caring man, and I feel ow used that to her advantage while she dug her claws in to hook him. H feeds off of praise and people telling him how great he is. Ow fed that, she used him, and when H couldn’t make that final break from our place to hers I think she dropped him when he was of no use to her any longer.
I do want more with H than what we have now. I want the romance and passion that we had, but I have to be realistic too. My body has been thru surgeries and I honestly do not know how to have the physical R that we once had. I let it slide because I didn’t have to relearn how. Now it’s been so long so we’ve had a good physical R that I am unsure of the next step. I did plant a seed a few months ago, about addressing the lack of a good physical R, because it will take both of us to learn what’s next. I also remember that my H considers himself shy and without confidence, so I have to figure out where I have to take the lead so we don’t stay stuck.
Remember – time and patience are my best friends. Not everyone has the 'luxury' that I had because my H did not file. He did everything else, but something stopped him from that legal step.
Eeww, all those old threads? That would be excrutiating. I couldn’t do it. I don’t want to go back to those memories. Ick.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
