W just told me she kissed another dude at a bar a couple months ago (I know a lot of you on here have it much worse but this stings as it's the 1st of such I've experienced)
Yep. So we are cleaning up dinner which went well and she says let's play truth or dare. I don't think we've ever played but she was in a playful happy mood which is rare so I was like cool.
1st ? she asks me is when is the last time I masturbated. We both laugh hysterically and I choose the dare which is to eat a spoonful of some spice.
I then ask her when's the last time she's ML and she said it was w/ me the 1 night she spent the night here about 6 months ago.
Next she asks me who was last person I have kissed and I say her. She seemed surprised and wouldn't believe me at first. I then ask her and she asks who I think it is. I say me. Nope, she got drunk w/ a friend of hers a few months ago and made out w/ some random dude for a few minutes.
I was definitely taken aback but kept it friendly. I used to have very negative jealous reactions but I really didn't this time which I have worked on and am super proud of. She said she did not like it at all and learned a lesson. I said what and she says, never kiss a random guy in a bar. She says it was a mistake and she was drunk and just wanted to try and yada yada.
She assumed and was sure that I was hooking up with a friend of mine and said that I can do what I want but I told her I haven't kissed or done anything like that. She said she thinks its assumed that when you are seperated that you kind of have the opportunity to explore.
I told her that I don't believe it is ever wise to assume things.
She was feeling bad that she thought she upset me but I said I really appreciated her sharing and being honest with me as I'm sure it was tough. She also however said she doesn't need to ask permission to do anything and neither do I.
I said that I am married and really had just been taking care and working on myself and my kids and really haven't considered putting myself out there. I said I don't really agree with it morally or ethically but people are free to do as they like.
I joked that now I have the green light so watch out.
I said that previously when I asked her if she wanted to explore other people or see anyone else she said no and now it seems she is open to that. She said she is not actively looking to date or see anyone as she has enough on her plate but she says you can't choose who you fall in love with.
She said she will let me know if she starts seeing someone and asked me to do the same and not do it in front of our kids. She wanted to see what I was feeling but I told her I need to think about it for a few days to give her a clear response.
We ended the talk with playing another round as we were kind of holding hands and I asked her when was the last time she thought about kissing me. She answered "10 seconds ago." I said then why didn't you and she responded that she didn't think it was appropriate.
She then asked me when was the last time I thought about kissing her and I answered "10 seconds ago." She said why didn't you and I answered, because I wasn't sure if she would want to.
I walked her to the door and she said sorry if I ruined your night, we will never play that game again. I said I'm good and I appreciated the talk. She said "am I still allowed over tomorrow" and i jokingly said, I'll let you know.
I am now trying to process this and have mixed emotions. On 1 hand I am very proud of how I responded and happy that she shared this with me.
On the other hand I'm hurt and pissed that she would allow this to happen and may be open to seeing other people during our seperation. I feel that a PA is a permanent deal breaker for me, even is she tells me she is going to date someone. Should I share this with her?
I don't know where to go from here. I have been with her since I was 15 and she's the only person I've been with.
I have every now and then thought curiously about other woman but their is just something in me that knows its not worth it and I just don't want to do it. I know I could and maybe their could be some benefits to putting myself out there but I don't want to do it just to do it or out of spite because she did it.
I'm lost at this very moment but feel strong that i have remained on the high road.
(I know a lot of you on here have it much worse but this stings as it's the 1st of such I've experienced)