While I'm thinking, I'd like to ask... can you tell me what difference does it make what the 3 things are? I can't change him anyway. And I can't relate it to DB'g at all.
You and probably 100 others who are reading this are likely wondering why... when DB tells us to focus on ourself, do I keep taking focus back to your H...
Here's the premise:
A WAS, including any number of other things, is likely thinking either: a) none of this is MY fault, anyhow, or b) I like myself the way I am and really don't feel that I need to make any changes.
I'm sure that a WAS could list any number of things that they would like to change in themselves. But what the are very likely unwilling to do, is change themselves to save the M.
Also, a LBS is often emotionally unstable and really needs to disconnect emotionally from the sitch. What appears quite clear is that a WAS is already VERY disconnected. Disconnected to the point that they might be unable to empathize with the LBS, at all. Or at least is severely resistant to empathize.
A person who is just getting into diving lessons doesn't jump off the 10M board right away. First, they dip their feet in the water near the 1M mark.
These three or so things I'm asking for, I want to get an idea of what a "better" M might look like. But rather than talking about family vacations, spending romantic evenings together, and other yucky stuff... I want to look at baby step things.
And then, we look at DBing approaches and see how changing yourself can change the M... how your changes in how you do things changes the dynamic of the M and ultimately leads to your H HAVING to change, because he can't keep doing what he's doing if things aren't the same.
