Hi guys, I'm new to this BB. I wanted to share my story though and tell you how I came to find DB and DR. In August, my husband of almost 3 years (together almost 10 years total) experienced what I'm now convinced is an anytime MLC. We ran the gamut of clichéd sayings from "I just can't do this anymore" to the dreaded "I love you; I'm just not in love with you." And after 2 and a half strained weeks of working with a marriage counselor, things were worse than they'd started. After asking him to leave for a few days, he decided he couldn't come back. He then proceeded to tell me at the end of September that a divorce was the only way for him.

I was devastated and felt my world had been torn to shreds. I did all the wrong things and I’m sure I made things worse. He actually avoids talking with me whenever possible. I was mean, I was hurt, and I was in denial. I began reading everything I could about divorce and trying to avoid it. I had yet to find these two books though. For two months, I sat there, waiting for him to change his mind. After two months, we met again and he informed me that he hadn’t changed his mind and handed me a proposed settlement for our divorce, yet he still hadn’t filed. The week before Christmas, I met with a lawyer to discuss my options and for legal advice regarding the settlement. In short, he convinced me that filing for divorce will give me some control over the situation. The following week; I sent my husband a message telling him I had filed. After the New Year, I too moved out of the house (because I could NOT stand to be there alone) and into my own apartment. In the week following, I discovered that his lawyer filed a counter-claim on his behalf. I’m not sure if this is a lawyer thing or what, but I find it hard to believe that the man who couldn’t bring himself to file in the 2 months leading up to Christmas would feel the need to counter-file. After finally recognizing that I have never wanted this divorce, I began searching for divorce remedy materials in earnest. I found DB and DR and couldn’t put them down. I’m eager for a chance to do a 180 when I see him and NOT talk of reconciliation (for the first time) and to act as-if I feel that our conversation will go well.

I welcome your encouragement and suggestions. I’m still only a week and a half into DB and DR but I honestly feel as if we could come back stronger than ever from this. I know I can’t change him; that I have to focus on myself. However, I do need to talk to him about some practical matters – such as taxes – so I feel I’ll have a chance to put some of the DR techniques into action.