Crazytown population me.....

[AntoniaB]

My heart goes out to you. I've heard all of it, pretty much word for word, as all of us have.

You're not the crazy one here--though he may try to paint it that way. Don't believe it. I guess my most succinct advice is "hope for the best but prepare for the worst."

It is a good idea to keep an eye on your bank accounts and assets when someone goes off the deep end...when my XH first said this kind of stuff, I had no idea that very soon after he removed my name from his credit union account (our savings) of which I was an authorized user. The day he left, he told me that he'd done that months prior. Why? Because when he first said he didn't know if he wanted all "this" he was thinking of leaving then, and he was afraid if he left with all our accounts jointly owned, that I'd freeze his assets if he walked out the door and he'd have nothing. Later I got him to put my name back on the account when we reconciled briefly, so when he left the second time for OW, I was able to get a lawyer and he couldn't take the assets for himself. But the fact is that this is a man I would have trusted with my life, who did something entirely out of character and I never saw it coming.

So my advice on that end would be to check your assets, check your accounts, maybe even run a credit report for free. Just have this info in case you need it.

Beyond that, Cadet is right, you have to try to protect yourself emotionally and detach. Read books and articles on detachment. Post a lot and people will help you through this. It seems like a fate worse than death, dealing with a spouse in MLC, especially if it's a really serious extended MLC, but it can also be a transformative time for you in that you can learn to be really empowered and take care of yourself in a way you never imagined.

More than anything you have to realize that there is not much you can do FOR someone else in MLC, but there is a whole lot you can do for yourself to deal with it and heal should your marriage not make it through the process.