Still here, read forums every night. W is in HNL with her mom this week. Her mom paid for the trip, wanted to get her out of ANC and away from me I guess. Glad my W is in the sun, but MIL certainly isn't helping my clause.
W has retained new lawyer, has applied and interviewed with a hospital in Dallas area. Appears she may be gone by mid April. She is planning on just leaving with her suitcase on the plane, no car, none of her stuff. She says she will get it when I get moved from ANC, probably not this year but next year.
So here is a question. Is it a good thing we will be apart, meaning will it give her more of a chance to miss me, experience the consequences of her decision both good and bad? Since asking for a divorce, really nothing has changed for her except for how she interacts with me. I almost feel like it will be a catalyst one way or the other. I can't control it, and certainly won't try and convince her she is doing the wrong thing.
W stated the other day before she let for HNL, this is her decision and her choice. She has followed my career around the country. Now it is time for her to do something for herself. Even if it is the wrong decision, it was at least HER decision.
I still have my two sons to worry about, and need to make plans for the summer, school in the fall etc. But when I attempt to ask her about logistical items in the near future, she gets fairly agitated and says she doesn't know what she is doing, she hasn't even left yet.
Again just like all the other trips se has taken recently, she is in contact up until she gets in place with other people, in this case my MIL. Then the contact is at a minimum. She has texted me every day with info on her day but it is pretty minimal. She did send me a picture of her on the beach. So yesterday, I reply to one of her texts, very briefly and she comes back with "No clue what you are doing. No word at all, right? Nice. Out!" She doesn't call or contact me much but yet she is pest I don'y give detailed info on what I'm doing? Am I doing it wrong, I thought I needed to let them initiate contact.
I thought about it awhile and thought I would email her, nothing big, just a synopsis of what I've done the last few days, what our boys talked about etc. Light conversation stuff. I said at the end I understand how you feel, and would like to improve our communication. Don't know if that was the right thing,if lack of communication was an issue for her, then my 180 would be to communicate.
She also is convinced the reason I'm in shape and have new clothes is because I'm cheating on her. She told me this on the way to the airport last week, she said she doesn't trust me. I screwed up our marriage 16 years ago because I cheated. WHat do you do with that? Can we ever get past that?
My DB coach really has me focused on how my W feels, how it was for her to grow up in her family, the youngest and only daughter, with two brothers, one of which molested her. How she felt when her parents took her brothers side when this came out years ago. How the abused will always go back and try and seek approval from the ones who hurt them. How it made her feel going to her family many times with out me, because it was easier to deal with MIL without me there, yet it made her feel as if I wasn't there for her. And I can see that now, I never looked at it that way.
Coach told me to express that to her, and I did. I told my coach that my W seems to talk more and more after work. We laughed pretty hard the other night at a few things which we haven't done in a while. My coach said that I miss signals that what I'm doing is having an affect on my W. She seems to think that the interaction is a direct reflection on what I said to her.
Yet she is still marching toward divorce and moving.
Thanks J3B for asking.
It is amazing to read the threads here and the advice some of the posters give. I wish I could contribute more, but I struggle with my R, don't know how I would be of any help to someone else.
