feeling like giving up.....former DBing against OW

[imthemom]

Thank you all of you, you all had great points...
as far as why all the secrecy???..well, honestley i was fine with not letting S14 know at first. my H did not want to tell him and we discussed it in Co parenting sessions, and agreed that it was not a good time. S14 was very emotional about the whole situation and we had a problem with im cutting himself when we first seperated..I let H know very clearly that this was not a good time to spring this on him. After some time went by S14 started asking questions..and asked his dad if he was seeing someone and his dad lied and said no...that was when I started telling him that he needed to tell him and he has refused and avoided that situation since. S14 is still having a hard time but not nearly as emotional about it as he was.

Now that H has lied to him several times about that and other things, S14 is just fed up....and I honestly cannot see H sitting down and telling him the truth. He has not ever been able to step up that way...I had to tell S14 about the divorce alone, He has gone almost 6 weeks now without seeing his son because S14 keeps refuseing to go with him...and no matter how many times I have told him he needs to take him out and talk to him and work this out before there relationship is damaged for good, he does not do it...he is just letting it go.

Even after I told him that S14 knows he lied to him about the ER incident...he is texting him and acting like nothing happened..not addressing the problem at all.
S14 and I talked a little again tonight...he is mad that I wont answer his questions and I keep telling him that he needs to discuss it with his D. I am going to think on it some more and take my time deciding what to do....Im so affraid to make the wrong decision here, and throw my son back on an emotional roller coaster...he has an appt with his C on Monday, I may wait and discuss it with him.
I also hate the secrets...I was raised in a home were my father left when I was 2 and never came back...I never knew him and he was never spoken about. It became taboo and to this day none of us kids talk about him or know anything. a couple of us are just starting to ask questions and find out things but it was ingrained in us to never speak of it and because of that I have always been VERY open with my sons, we talk about everything and ive never lied to them...and I hate that I cant just sit him down and tell him what he wants to know. .....but I will if H wont, and from what he has shown me, his son is right..hes not man enough to tell him the truth...