Outside the Scope of This Report

[job]

Wendy,
The ow is pulling out all of the stops to make your h feel guilty, guilty enough to want to be w/her. She will use that suicide stunt again very soon if she can't get him to focus on her.

I'm so sorry that he's swinging back and forth. Just remember, it's all part of the mlc process and you've done an excellent job thus far. Listen to what he says and and continue to validate how he feels. It is very important for him to know that you are listening to him.

Hang in there!

[WenikiTiki]

Thanks Snodderly!

This morning and last night she sent him several texts just saying "I Love You". He was getting all upset this morning. Then she sent him a text asking "Are we done?"

I was in the shower, he came in and read it to me and then read me the text he sent her. It said: "I cannot be with you. I know you are in a tough situation. I will still help you sell your car when you leave the island."

Which he and I had discussed earlier.

But seriously: listening to him talk, and puzzle these things out is draining me.

Just now OW sent him a text asking did that mean I was moving my stuff back into the master bedroom. Okay, guess we shouldn't tell her that while my belongings are still in the guest room, I personally have been sleeping in the master bedroom since New Years Day. And so has he.....

I am planning on getting the rug cleaned in the master, need to move around some furniture and get the house staged. Because H and I agree, the house is a big part of our problems.

Yes, I am waiting for her next suicide threat.

[WenikiTiki]

I forgot to write the good stuff out of my H.

This morning he asked me was I going to wear his old Levis again today. I asked why, and he told me that seeing me thinner in Levi's reminded him of me when we met and I only wore Levi's. (501's Buttonfront Shrink to fits....)

He also told me yesterday that I was a great woman and that I had always been there for him.

Of course he keeps telling me when he is sad, and that is like every other hour. I jusk keep telling him I understand and that yes, I know he is sad.

He also asked me if after OW's STBX leaves town if he can start going to yoga with me.

And he told me yesterday that he is really happy to see how active I have been lately. And that he is a little envious of my getting to have fun while he never has any fun.

Aloha,

Wendy

[WenikiTiki]

Boy did I have an epiphany yesterday. I was headed into the gym
and who do I literally almost run into in the foyar? OW's STBX. And he is in his uniform, looking very marine like, and thinner and in way better shape than a year ago......

Certainly looking like a guy getting ready to deploy, not like a guy getting kicked out for being fat! We spoke for a minute or two. I told him he looked great.

Then asked when was his W going to get orders so she can leave the island. He said his command was working on it. Then he asked why I cared. I told him as far as I was concerned the sooner his W, OW to me, left the island the better for my H and me.

He seemed to think his W and I were still friends and still talked to each other. I haven't spoken to her in 9 months. I've seen her 3 times in her car, and once at the gym.

Anyway, he really blames my H for this whole situation. And often times I catch myself really blaming OW. So my realization is that they both are to blame. (DUH!)

Where does that get me? I don't know. I depend on you all out there to interpert many of these things. I just know it is a part of my process.

Part two of my confusion this week is how much my H depends on me to fix things. Almost to the silly point. The other day I hooked up the whole house wireless so we can take advantage of the stuff we pay for with this satellite stuff.

Later when my H turned on the TV the volume wouldn't work. MY H said that it was both the TV and the sound bar not working, I must have connected it wrong. I get out the book, recheck all my connections, am sitting there puzzling over it and I look at the sound bar and it was turned off. So he han't actually checked it at all, just assumed and was freaking out about it. Like a child.

Yesterday when H came home and turned on the TV it gave a reciever box corrupted message. He immediatly stars blaming me and hooking up the whole house system. I call the company and they go through the steps and determine my box is broken. I then remember we had a power outage earlier, while H was at work which most likely fried the box.

We will get a new one in 3-5 days. I went into the other room, turned on the little TV and it worked fine. H gets all pouty because he doesn't like the TV in that room, the chairs are uncomfortable, wah, wah, wah.....

I go get the box from that room, take out the broken box, put the box in. TV is working. Then he grumbles because we lost our recorded TV part. He will have to decided which show to watch. (He has a tough life)

I ask which show he wants to watch live, he picks Glee. I call my son who lives in our MIL quarters ask him to record NCIS. So later we can watch it on the whole house system.

We have dinner. I go to yoga. I tell my best friend about this stuff. She tells me to quit doing everything for him, he is a brat and a baby. I ask her who does the electronics in her house. She says she does. I say, well then......

So should I be putting my problem solving abilities on the shelf to let him work on his?

This man used to fly big huge complicated helicopters and train others to do the same. He moved pretty far up the ladder, careerwise. He is no dummy.

So am I just filling my spot in our relationship, or am I allowing him to not grow up? He seems to act different at home than at work.

[tested metal]

I guess my thought is: Is it putting you out by doing it? What would YOU like to do?

More than likely H is gonna find something else to be crying about so do it if you feel like it.

My W used to do the same thing with our cable, internet, basically everything.

The mistake I made was calling her on her babyish behavior. It was so infuriating!!!

The one thing I can tell you is not to step on eggshells like I felt I had to. It just led me to being put in no win situations and really blasting out the resentment when we would argue.

Just my 2 cents

[WenikiTiki]

I love how people who don't even know me can predict the future!

Tested said that H would find something else to cry about.....

Minutes ago my H basically grumbled that he didn't have any carrot cake. It is funny, because there is pretty much way too much snack/dessert food in the house. And carrot cake doesn't just appear.

When I didn't offer to run down to Safeway to get him some, he pondered sending our son to get him some. Why carrot cake? Why right now? God only knows.

Carrot cake is the cake we often celebrate with. I buy it in advance, the best one isn't from the store closest to my home. So I guess to work on filling up his "love tank" I should get him a carrot cake.

I was wondering how to handle Valentines Day. Maybe that is the answer. Carrot cake.....

[BeingMe]

Um, WT, does your H not drive ... a car, that is? He could've gone to Safeway, and while there, got you something too. Just a thought.

[BeingMe]

Does the OW know that your H shows you her texts? Maybe it's time to call her and inform her that you're back to sleeping with your H, and that her pathetic pleas are making it worse for her. IOW, tell her to f.off/get lost. What I would do, but I don't know your whole story. Trying to keep a man by threatening suicide is so pathetic.

[tested metal]

Wen,

I am not clairvoiant, although I wish I was sometimes.

Just from reading the common threads of MLC I have learned that the person in MLC is usually acting immature, like a teenager.

And what do teenagers do a lot of?

WHINE and CRY about the little things.

I have a feeling that you will have plenty of opportunities in this area to experiment with responses to this behavior.

But the main thing is to do what YOU want to do. If you want to get him carrot cake, do it because YOU WANT to, not because you feel you HAVE to in order to please him.

I am kind of wondering if he isn't literally cake eating!!

[angel61]

Wen, Your posts made me laugh! Its true that MLC'ers are like big babies. A year ago, my H was acting like that too.... complaining about everything, whining, and being such a brat that even my then 12 year old said that she felt like she was the parent and not the child!

You know, the reason why people know what is going to happen next is that many have passed the same path as you have. That is one of the reasons that it is so good to read the threads of people. You learn second hand from them what works and what does not. Helps you make an informed guess. Of course there are many different personalities involved. You know what I did was I looked for threads of posters whose personalities resonated with me and my H's. And I looked at the sitches of those who had been able to go on to piecing, or saved their M's, and tried to follow their advice and example, even if it was HARD! Mainly I followed 25 and Cyrena (although Cyrena does not have a thread, her advice and description was always spot on). I am trying to remember who else ....