It was based on the need to do something about our car - the lease is up in a couple weeks and H is saying that I have to decide what I want to do with it.
The car is currently registered to his business and he is driving our other car which is owned outright by us. He says if I want to keep driving the car that is leased, I have to take over the lease.
I have said that I need to know what my overall financial situation is before I can make such a decision. When I indicated this to him last week, he became enraged and said he could not give me any details and would go to see a lawyer.
I have since found out that if I don't re-lease the car, he will be liable for the $50,000 residual payment on it.
Today he announced that his lawyer is proposing a 60-40 split of all our assets and debts, based on what he has told her of our situation.
I have not seen anything in writing, but he said he had also gotten a list of lawyers (from her) for me to choose from so that I can have representation too.
I asked what this meant - was he filing for divorce?, and he hesitated for a long time before saying "No, but if that's what you want...".
To which I replied that I didn't want that. And basically I then set out my understanding of my own role in the demise of our M. Tried to follow the sort of advice that 25 has recently posted on other threads.
He kept bringing things back to his own immaturity and 'moral and ethical' failures and said sometimes he thought it was my fault, but most often he thought it was his.
I listened and validated his POV most often, occasionally indicating that I didn't remember things exactly the same way as him.
We pretty much went round in circles with me indicating that it had taken me a long time to realise that I needed to work on myself and that I was now doing that.
He would then tell me not to be so hard on myself and that it was his fault.
At one point H said "Wait till you see what the lawyer has to say - you'll be shocked".
When I asked what he meant, he said "It'll shock you how little there is left- I've basically shat everything away."
He then said he wanted to take care of the kids for the next 5 years while they are still at school and that "nothing will change for you during this time".
Not sure how this fits with the idea of a 60-40 split of assets but anyway...
He kept saying how sorry he was and he cried a little.
Whenever I turned the conversation towards my own part in our troubles, he would disagree and said "You see this is the problem. We just can't communicate. You say something and I say the opposite. We are just separate people."
He said he would not attend any more school functions with me - aside from individual interviews with our kids' teachers. He said doing otherwise would involve a pretence that he wasn't prepared to participate in. He said we need to tell the schools that we are separated.
I'm not sure what to make of all of this. It was an hour of talk about the R. Probably should have avoided altogether, but hearing that he had been to a lawyer made me want to know what he had planned - and then him asking me if i wanted to divorce... led me to say that i did not, and why.
My gut really tells me he doesn't really want to be doing this.
I know.. I WOULD say that.
He just seems to be so sad and sorry and believes that he has done things that are unforgivable and there is nothing that can be done to go back now.
I'm not really trying to analyse everything that he's said, but it seemed like a major conversation to record.
Need to wait patiently for him to do his own work on this, I suppose.
Things will be what they will be. I will get on with my life regardless... I am getting much better at this lately, and really feel sometimes that I will be better off without him (and not in a vindictive, angry way).
However, I'm not looking forward to the lawyer's proposal, as I'm sure I won't see things the same way. And neither will my lawyer, I'd imagine. And then another new level of hell opens up.
