Together since we were 15...Part 3

[Jenna333]

Thanks, Rick

J texted me a sweet song lyric earlier and told me he's looking forward to tonight. 5 hours of class, then a date night!

[Jenna333]

Well, it's our 9th anniversary today I had gotten to the point where I didn't think I'd be celebrating this day ever again.

I'm no longer the LBS. We had a tough conversation the other night that led to J telling me that the ball is in my court. He said he's made his decision, that he's in this 100%, and he will be here whether I feel the same way or not. I'm in this 100%. For a while I wasn't sure, but I've made up my mind. Our interactions have been really great. We don't treat each other the way we used to. I only see it getting better from here.

J told me he read an article on detachment in a magazine a couple of weeks ago and it's helped him. I think it's amazing that he came across that on his own. Detachment is always talked about here on this forum, and practicing it has helped me. J really has needed to detach. He told me he doesn't obsesss about what I'm doing or feel the need to constantly talk to me anymore. Detaching is letting go in a healthy way. We focus on our individual lives, and when we're together, the time spent is just that much better.

He's staying over tonight. We're going to have Chinese food and wine. I may go crazy and bake some cookies

If I can give any advice here, it would definitely be to focus on detaching and acting as if! J told me once he started seeing me turn into this unstoppable, amazing force, he saw a future with us together and he couldn't let it go, no matter how hard he tried to.

He sent me these texts yesterday:

"You know Jen, that's exactly how I feel. I can't wait to live my life with you by my side doing all the things we've always wanted. Your're doing so great and I'm on my way too. I love you kid, don't forget it."

"I'm soo proud of you Jenna, you're making me want to live up to the person you're becoming."

[Jenna333]

He also said that though he did have an interest in others when he left, he started seeing them as substitutions for me, and that they didn't compare

[purgatory]

Enjoy your anniversary!!!
You must be on cloud 9 with those compliments in his texts!!!

So happy for you, got a little ready eyes reading your posts. Never thought I could have an emotional reaction... to a post... from a stranger. This website is pretty awesome, thanks for keeping up with my sitch (I need all the help I can get!)

[Jenna333]

We are struggling a bit, though. I'm struggling with believing his reasons for coming back. The girl he was interested in was not interested back. I'm feeling a bit like the next best thing. He says nothing happened and there's no way one person's reaction to him would cause him to make a life-changing decision like this. He says it's pointless to talk about it right now because it only causes us to fight and we get nowhere. He wants to wait until counseling to talk about it. He said he would have come back anyway because he's been in love with me and he couldn't deny it any longer.

I just don't want this to happen again! I hope I can learn to trust him. I know I shouldn't phrase it like that. I should say I will make the choice to trust him. Right now.