It's difficult to db a full blown mlcer, especially one that is out the door and acting out for a very long period of time. Dbing is for you, to help you cope along the way.
You've done everything you can to save your marriage...I hope that your wife will one day look in the mirror and face her demons, but it's going to take a lot for her to hit bottom because of her "learned" behavior.
Do what you must in order to take care of you and your children.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
