Separation, Moved back in, still ILYBNILWY

[imthemom]

TBR...just a heads up..
dont ask your wife to wait around for 18 months while you "work on yourself and get sober"..then start having an A behind her back, and then start telling her the drinking, the fact that your miserable and yes the ow..all of it, is her fault and THEN say you want a D......that would not be a good idea..LOL!!!
(thats my sitch in a nutshell...and yes I now have a sense of humor about it..:)

[tenbusrider]

Once again.....WHY are you like that ?

Why do you choose the easier path ?

Is it easier to be the victim, than to face that resistance ?

It certainly gets the "sympathy vote" quicker.

I started to answer this before I realized you'd already done so for me. I've definitely got a case of the poor me's.

I'm not your Mama, or your Kindercare instructor. I will however be part of your support system. To hold you accountable for your choices.

I'm gonna challenge you, and ask you the hard questions. You are gonna get angry with me. Although if you really take a good look at it, your anger will be with yourself.

If nothing else, use that anger to prove me wrong....I welcome that.

This is probably the wisest, most meaningful pledge of support I've ever had. Your hard questions may frustrate me(and many others here, apparently), but they are honest and questions that should be answered, even if it makes us pause and think before speaking. Actually, it's because of that that gives them their value.

Is coping with his illness with alcohol, something that he would want you to do ???

My dad dealt with life for years with alcohol and xanax. He'd lost his career over this, and spent years trying to recover financially. We hovered just above poverty for a larger portion of my teenage years and early 20s than I'd rather recall. He sobered up for years, but his drinking eventually returned, and his habits mirror mine. Doesn't drink to "get through the day", but always ends his day like that.

Would he WANT me to do it? Probably not when put in those terms.

I'm 4 chapters into the Big Book of AA. Good of them to put it online.

[tenbusrider]

ITM, thanks for the heads up! LOL

Sorry to hear that that's how it is for you. Not sure if I should express anger towards him or frustration for you. I think I'll do both.

(((ITM)))

[Mach1]

My dad dealt with life for years with alcohol and xanax. He'd lost his career over this, and spent years trying to recover financially. We hovered just above poverty for a larger portion of my teenage years and early 20s than I'd rather recall. He sobered up for years, but his drinking eventually returned, and his habits mirror mine. Doesn't drink to "get through the day", but always ends his day like that.

Would he WANT me to do it? Probably not when put in those terms.

I'm 4 chapters into the Big Book of AA. Good of them to put it online.

I'm not gonna get all fluffy bunny and puppy dogs here, and pat you on the back. Because having a plan an acting on a plan are two different things.

You had a plan yesterday and ....well....

Actions right now, not more meaningless words.




What is your list of goals ?

1-Stop being a victim of this ( this is a free one )

2-

3-

4-

5-

6-


(you can add more)


And how do you envision reaching those goals ???


1-

2-

3-

4-

5-

6-

[tenbusrider]

Goals:
1- Stop being a victim of this

2- Be a better father to my S

3- Find a reason to have pride in myself without being prideful

4- Be less introverted, see the value in community, in others

5- Get in shape

6- Learn to deal with my anxiety without putting it on others


Reaching these goals:
1- Go to AA, learn to own my responsibilities

2- Spend more time with S, playing and reading

3- Finish my education

4- Get out of the house, talk to people instead of ignoring them

5- Get on the treadmill everyday, do strength exercises every other day, increase protein intake

6- Continue seeing my C and following her recommendations, get more involved with my church and spirituality

I'm not gonna get all fluffy bunny and puppy dogs here, and pat you on the back. Because having a plan an acting on a plan are two different things.

That's good, because I think getting bunnies and puppies from people is a part of why I seek so much validation.

[tenbusrider]

Just got back from my first meeting. Sorry for letting you guys down last night.

[labug]

Great!

Stop the apologizing stuff, you go to meetings for you.

Now, will you go back?

[RoRoinMD]

Just got back from my first meeting. Sorry for letting you guys down last night.

Good for you! From my perspective, we aren't who you let down! This will make you a better person!

[Yogoer]

Glad to hear that tenbus. Keep going back. You know how to reach me if you need to talk.

Btw, i don't know if you heard this at the meeting or not, but it's more effective to reach for the phone and call someone BEFORE you pick up that first drink! Keep it in mind (you'd be surprised how many forget that little rule of thumb).

[kml]

YAY!!! Good job!