Suddenly Separated in VA -- need your help

[adinva]

Hi Mimi - you have so many things going for you. Expect backslides and pick yourself back up and keep going on the track you know is right. You've been at this one month, you must be more patient. Expect that he will reiterate his decision when given a chance, like in MC, because that is how WAS's solidify their decision in their own mind. Try not to give him opportunities to do that.

You're lucky too because you seem to have a guy who gets some of this emotional stuff. It seems he's given you a pass on your outburst because he understood you were speaking out of anger. Be glad, and try to avoid doing that again. He also seems to understand that leaving you isn't the solution to all his problems. You're several steps ahead right there.

Keep using this opportunity to be the best you, someone attractive and engaging, so anyone would be a fool not to want to be with you...either H or someone else in the future. Go to those free cultural events! Take exceptional care of yourself, pamper yourself as much as possible and get good exercise and sleep.

I don't know how long this will take for you, but know that it could be a year or more, can you be that patient?

Your marriage has an opportunity now to become better than it ever was. If it doesn't, it will probably end. H is telling you some of the things that are his ideal life don't mesh with his marriage. Maybe through counseling you can start to bring those things together so marriage to you also means he fulfills his dreams. Be careful of too overtly trying to fix the problems he brings up because that is perceived as manipulation, that you're just trying to get him back. But show - don't tell - gradually, so that he realizes on his own that it can be a better marriage and a better life for him with you.

I hope these thoughts get you thinking on the right track. I don't have any really good answers but you have a lot of good material to work with in your situation, and your attitude so far sounds great.