Quick update: W and I remain friends and are even planning to take the kids to the circus next weekend and on a vacation together over Spring Break. So far we are no closer to being divorced than we were 8 months ago except that she took the kids to a divorce class in early December. No mention at all since and the holidays went well even though we remain separated. I still have the kids living with me and she keeps them twice a week, so I see them every day. I remain very sad about the whole situation, but at least work is going really well for me and I've had great amounts of success over the past two months and may be looking at a promotion in my near future. Work has been my saving grace as I can focus on that and keep my mind off of her for hours at a time. I still pray daily for reconciliation and to have my family back, but she has shown no signs of remorse or wanting to try again. We do have much more contact than we did have, and I leave it to her to initiate it. Just the other day she must have messaged me twenty times in one day, and she has spent the last 5 weekends at her place instead of going to her lawyer friend and his W's. Again, there is no OM that I am aware of and she does not seem in a rush to D at all as she did in the early days. It could have been final 6 months ago if she had pushed it, but again I know that doesn't mean she won't start it up again tomorrow.
We are planning to file our taxes together and use it to pay off a new heating and cooling system I had put in in December. She did mention the other day that this would probably be the last time we file together, and I took that as not being a definite. I would welcome any chance to win her heart again but I will not pursue. I will continue to pray and be the man I feel I should be, which is a dedicated father and loving husband even though I may not have a W to love in the near future. And yes, she was intimidated by my being a therapist for the last couple years but now she has mentioned that she understands me better now that she is pursuing her degree in the same field I have mine. We talk about Psychology matters and she is fascinated with it. Ironically, we now have more in common than we ever have. Truly mind-blowing.
M 39 W 41 Married 18 years Together 21 D18 D10 S6 D filed May 16, 2011 Bomb Dropped May 18, 2011 D in process
Good to see you back! Thanks for your insight on my thread!
It sounds like you are doing everything you need to at this point. Please keep it up!
Patience will be the key for you with this.
I was afraid by your last post that you took your ball and went home!
Originally Posted By: Thundarr
She did mention the other day that this would probably be the last time we file together, and I took that as not being a definite. I would welcome any chance to win her heart again but I will not pursue. I will continue to pray and be the man I feel I should be, which is a dedicated father and loving husband even though I may not have a W to love in the near future.
Yes, Remember the none of what they say and 50% of what they do rule. Also any changes have to come from you so work on yourself, for you, regardless of the outcome with W. (I know, hard to do.. trust me I know!)
You are doing great. Good luck!
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
I am pretty sure my W is having an identity crisis of some sort, if not MLC.
She follows most of the criteria and I am starting to wonder if I wasn't just another flavor of the week for her on the way of finding that identity.
I am finding comfort of the MLC forum as I see and learn from others in similar situations and these people tend to have a lot more experience and wisdom than in the other forums. (No offence to other forums).
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
As a clinician myself I thought of posting here also. But than I started thinking that pathologizing my W would be the easy way out. It would also take away the responsibility of my actions. I know one thing now, we tend to say things like , she is borderline, bipolar etc. We must first look at our failings because our W's are not our patients. If we treat them as such we disrespect them. Just a thought
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
I am looking at my own failings. I should have listened more. I should have stood my ground with her when her actions were starting to affect me.
I shouldn't have confronted her on the two affairs.
I am taking responsibility for my own actions. Unfortunately, she is also leaving me to take responsibility for hers too.
I came to this thread to find out if this is MLC and to understand it better. By understanding it helps me have a little more compassion for her, because I know that no matter what my failings were in this marriage (and I was not abusive), I did not/do not deserve the type of treatment that I am getting now.
As a therapist, I really don't diagnose people. I work with the problems that they present to me. I am more solution focused than you would think.
I know I have a long way to go, but I have never thought as my W as a patient, nor treated her as such.
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
I am sorry for my last response. Thank you for calling me to task. It made me think a lot today and I think that it might have got me to focus more on MY actions more.
I am sorry that my anger toward the situation was directed toward you. I am learning slowing to direct that in a more healthy fashion.
Than k you!
M:35 W:33 M: 5 yrs. Daughter: 2 yr .7/11/10 D Final: 8/7/12
