I'm a bit confused by your comment on working on goals later on. Chapter 3 is all about goal setting with bold text saying don't skip this step. What I wrote above is the results of the exercises in Chapter 3. Since I don't have Michele to critique them based upon her book, I figured those here on the forum would.
Admittedly it has been a while since I read this book however I believe it says to make small attainable goals and my opinion is that your goals are counterproductive with saving your marriage.
Another words if you continue to pursue you will not obtain any of these goals. You need to make your goals more about YOU. Something that you can CONTROL, YOU. Not dependent on anything she is or is not going to do. For instance, I will not have a relationship talk with her while she is involved with another man. I will not persue. I will GAL I will be the Best DAD (you fill in how)
You need her to pursue YOU, she must control the contact. Until she is ready to work on your marriage most of what you are trying to CONTROL will not work. What I am saying is that you are not dealing with some one that thinks the same way as you or the same way that the person you married thinks. She has changed and you must understand that in order to proceed and make goals.
You two still live together, have children together but she has an OM, is this correct?
What needs of hers are you fulfilling? She is going to move away this summer? What is that going to look like? What is the marriage going to look like at that point?
She is living in a fantasy world. You need to show her what reality is going to look like.
