Well, I royally messed up yesterday. I think I have indeed been overestimating how positive H feels about our R. Even though I have been trying to moderate my feelings, I thought that H was at least a bit closer to feeling that he wanted to commit fully to the road of reconciliation. Turns out the truth is quite a bit different.
Yesterday, during MC, H reiterated that his needs are not being met in the marriage and that he does not believe they ever will be. The MC said that he sounded like a depressed man who has given up. H also stated that things that he wanted for himself include writing again (we met in graduate school for writing), expanding his social network, advancing at work, and having his own place with his own aesthetic. He said that "most days" he thinks that he should be doing these things instead of staying married to me.
I was very angry when we left the office and said many things that I maybe shouldn't have. I was definitely not validating or practicing LRT. I told him that if he had already mapped out a life for himself elsewhere, then he should go live it. He told me that I was reacting out of anger and that we should talk about it later.
He came home a few hours later from work and we talked. I was basically ready to end it because it seemed to me that he had already made up his mind. He told me that he hadn't mapped out a life for himself and that he recognized that if left me, he would likely be very unhappy. But he also reiterated that he couldn't see us solving our problems. So, basically he is deciding whether to accept the problems and stay in the marriage, or leave and strike out on his own. He said he doesn't have any illusions that life outside of our marriage would be better, and that he doesn't have enough information to make a decision yet. He doesn't trust his gut instincts on this, either.
This morning, he left for a business trip so I have a few days breather. I know I desperately need to GAL and not have anymore showdowns like we did last night. Do I pick up LRT where I left off and aggressively GAL as well? How do I navigate this? A part of me wants to say, "if you are so hopeless that we can fix our problems, and if you are deciding whether you want to live an unhappy life with me, then leave." I mean, I definitely don't want to be with someone who considers me a less-than-adequate compromise. What to do??
M:37; H:37; M:10 years;T:13 years;no kids. Bomb ("I love you, but don't feel things for you I should":1/08/12 Separated (H living with various friends:1/18/12 Separated (H rented his own apartment:3/4/12
