Wrote down three meeting locations at two times. I'm getting there tonight.
Good first step. I hope to read tomorrow that you went. It's hard but it's doable. Take it in steps and remember that all you have to do is the next step: 1)you get in your car 2)you drive to the place 3)you park the car 4)you get out of the car 5)you walk through the door
5 steps, you can do it.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
ITM, la, you're both right. I feel like an @$$hole for doing it. There will always be an excuse to drink if I look for one. That's what I have to learn to deal with.
Those 2x4s hurt, but it's exactly what I need. Thank you.
Knowing that you will get a virtual 2x4 BEFORE you do something, is hard for me to overlook.
To me, it means that you are willing to accept less of yourself...
WANTING a 2x4, tells me that you are probably seeking attention to validate your behavior.
You said yesterday that you were going to go to AA...
What could you possibly say today, that would lead anyone here to believe you, when you say you are going to again ?
How does knowing that there is a better choice for your actions beforehand, yet still choosing to not make different choices, figure into your personal goals ???
10, I'm not here to judge you one way or another. You are here because you want to do better in your life. You asked for help to get you moving in your direction....
My answer would be that I occasionally need a good swift kick in the butt. I don't have any discipline, as should be evidenced by what I said above. And by my continuing dependence on alcohol.
I do want that help. I want the hand UP, not the hand OUT. I'm tired of needing others to motivate me.
It's funny that you mention anger - your perceptiveness truly amazes me, Mach. I'm really REALLY mad at myself right now. I'm also trying to hold on to that anger, because I deserve it, to fuel me, as you say.
On another note, looks like this will be tested already today - just found out my dad is back in ICU and sedated. I've been using alcohol as the crutch to deal with this, and pretty much everything else. One day at a time...
Me: 31 W: 28 M: almost 6 T: 10.5 S2 Bomb#1: 05/11 Bomb#2: 11/11 S'd: 11/28/11 Moved back in: 12/28/11 MC: 06/28/12
Is it easier to be the victim, than to face that resistance ?
It certainly gets the "sympathy vote" quicker.
Originally Posted By: tenbusrider
Quote:
Which deserves a good answer ????
I guess I should also ask if you WANT help...
My answer would be that I occasionally need a good swift kick in the butt. I don't have any discipline, as should be evidenced by what I said above. And by my continuing dependence on alcohol.
I'm not your Mama, or your Kindercare instructor. I will however be part of your support system. To hold you accountable for your choices.
I'm gonna challenge you, and ask you the hard questions. You are gonna get angry with me. Although if you really take a good look at it, your anger will be with yourself.
If nothing else, use that anger to prove me wrong....I welcome that.
Originally Posted By: tenbusrider
I do want that help. I want the hand UP, not the hand OUT. I'm tired of needing others to motivate me.
It's funny that you mention anger - your perceptiveness truly amazes me, Mach. I'm really REALLY mad at myself right now. I'm also trying to hold on to that anger, because I deserve it, to fuel me, as you say.
On another note, looks like this will be tested already today - just found out my dad is back in ICU and sedated. I've been using alcohol as the crutch to deal with this, and pretty much everything else. One day at a time...
I'm truly sorry to hear that your Father isn't doing well. I understand how hard that is.
Let me ask you this though....
Is coping with his illness with alcohol, something that he would want you to do ???
