MIL had an interesting theory about what H is going through.... She thinks that he is acting out of character. She does agree that something drastic needed to happen in our M because she could tell that both of us weren't happy. BUT his extreme detachment and cruelty towards me as well as him going out all the time to "be happy" aren't like him. She thinks that he's acting these ways out of fear of going to AFG in a few months. H has shared some of these feelings with me (before the bomb) but never came right out and said that he is scared- a guy thing? MIL feels that he's wanting to do everything possible to enjoy life- because he's afraid he might not come back. It makes sense. Evidence: *He works out 3 hours a day, 6 days a week. He's told MIL that he wants to be in peak physical shape before he goes over there. He's put on 8 lbs of muscle in the last month alone, about 30 lbs in the last 6 months. *He goes out Friday/Saturday nights until 3 in the morning (when it's not his weekend, and I've witnessed the '3 am' arrival a few times.) H is naturally social, but also a homebody- we always had parties and gatherings at our house, but he hates bars/clubs. *He has said: "when I take my 4 weeks of leave before I go, I probably won't be around much because I want to travel around and do things that I want to do- some with the boys and some without." This is unusual because H is cheap and hates to travel. And the past 4 deployments, he's always isolated himself with me and the kids to spend as much time with us- and those were only 8 month deployments, not a year.
There's other strange sayings and actions from him that lend itself to MIL theory. Any of our Military peeps out there- your insight would be helpful. I don't think he will ever tell me or admit that he's scared, but I don't think it's healthy for him to keep all that bottled up inside. Should I approach him and say something like: "I can only imagine how scary it must be to think about going over there. I'm sure you are anxious and nervous during this time that you are preparing to go. I know you are going to miss the boys terribly. Please let me know what I can do to help ease your tensions."
I'm probably not the one that he wants to talk to- perhaps he's already shared his fears with OW. I know that he won't approach me to talk, but if I broke the ice with something like that statement above, I know that he will open up and vent to me. **H has always told me that I'm the best person for him to talk through problems with because I help him see new perspectives and ease his worries**
Any ideas about how to handle this would be great
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
