He unexpectedly came over this morning to help get S3 ready for preschool. It gave me a chance to shower. While S3 was in preschool I went with my exMIL to see someone who works on your emotional pressure points. It was my 3rd visit with him so it was nice for him to say that I look much more relaxed.

We picked up S3 and went to lunch. Came home and napped with D6mos and S3. He came over and we went to coparenting therapy. During the session we talked about some important ways to communicate but what was more impacting (as always) is what we talk about on the ride home. I pushed the conversation and asked if the reason he had the affair and continued his relationship is because she is an emotional support. He said yes. That he never felt that way with me. The only person he's ever felt this way with is his mother. I felt as if I found a key that unlocked the door.

I went on to say that as long as he finds that from her he will not see it in me. That if he had told me that that is what he wanted from me, I could have given him that. I went on to tell him that he won't always be able to come over as often as he does. I told him I appreciate his help but there will be a time when we will have to set stricter boundaries. I said, I know you get some emotional support from us because you come over as often as you do. He didn't answer.

I didn't cry or raise my voice. Just talked with reason. He wasn't upset but did seem uncomfortable. I ended it by telling him thank you for being open with me that although it hurts I appreciate it.

He just called like 5 times (missed calls). I gave my son the phone to play with while I typed. I answered just now and he wanted to know if I was ok. I sounded upbeat and said yes.

I want to LRT, not because I want him back, but cuz I'm really hurt and feel like I can't do anything to show him I can be the emotional support. Doesn't matter how much of a 180 I have done, he won't look for that in me, regardless. I'm so hurt.

I'm going to set up my next session with a DBcoach. I don't know what else to do frown

M 42 H 39
T10 (-2yrs separation)
S8 D5
DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA)
Reconciled 6/2013
Separation in works 1/2017