I cannot think of anything that happened, no major crisis following the affair. She briefly came back with greater love than before but then started a full time job and lots of other activities as well. I thought it was possibly self esteem issues. But with hindsight there was also possibly a large element of distancing. She has never really apologized for the first affair other than 'I am sorry I really regret it'.
Her father was rejected by his own father and as I understand it brought up by relatives. He was a controlling man and at times very angry. He treated his family as his possessions.
Her mother is to quote my SIL, her own daughter 'the vainest person I have ever met'. As far as I can tell she could not cope with one child but had 3. My SIL said she was brought up by her father as mother could not cope.
Both daughters left home ASAP and started relationships with pretty much the first man who came along. SIL got married at 18 without telling the family, the marriage did not last. All three exhibit pretty much standard PA behaviors. My W was in a teenage relationship and got pregnant , possibly to seal the deal. Her family coerced her into an abortion. This is something she will not discuss,ever. However when we married she was very eager to have children. I am not sure she is securely attached to her own children. From what I understand this could be standard psychology following a 'forced' termination.
I don't think my W is capable of a secure attachment and seems incapable of honesty in relationships. She withholds or distorts the truth to achieve what she wants and does not see the harm in that. She has just started a relationship with OM, again the first man who came along, who divorced his own wife for her adultery. W did not tell him about her affair 4 years ago, my son who is very angry with my W has just put him straight on this in no uncertain terms.
For myself I think it is time for me to move on and both my sons who live with me are supportive of this. I think we all find my W a very destructive element in our lives.
I think and hope they know that my love for them is unconditional, however I do feel some guilt in not continuing to DB and follow the recipe for success in dealing with MLC and trying once again to keep us altogether.
