Too little too late?

[MichelleLT]

After a couple hours long conversation on Sunday night, he finally admitted that maybe he could have been a little more clear about some things. And he could have asked for clarification from me on things that he was confused about (it's posted on my main thread in Surviving). Yay for small victories LOL. He also said he's talk to his therapist about maybe trying another AD when I reiterated for the third time my concerns over the side effects. Problem is he apparently tried Zoloft, Prozac, and a couple others when he was in therapy previously and Cymbalta was by far the best for him.

Apparently I pick very HD people or something. XH told me that his affair was because 1-2 times a week wasn't enough to him (course, he never told me that). And when they first hooked up our sex life did not drop off at all (it sure did after I confronted him about it though!)

Problem is BF hit my love language spot on. He's touchy, cuddly, affectionate. In hindsight, I should have pushed more on some conversations. Maybe found another time to approach him about the 5LL stuff. Pushed a little more when I'd ask what he wanted and he's say "this is good" or "that's fine".

But I didn't really have any complaints other than his grumpiness, the side effects of his ADs, and then his withdrawal over the holidays. So I feel like he needed to take the initiative in bringing up these issues as I am not a good mind reader. If he thought these things were break-up worthy issues, then they are real issues, but I can't guess what they are. Maybe he finally gets that?

I did challenge him on why he didn't bring these things up. He said he'd done so in the past and didn't feel like doing so for a third/fourth time would bring about lasting change. And he thought it was my turn to bring them up. I asked him if he could understand that if he raised an issue, it was discussed, some changes were made, and the issue wasn't brought up for months, could he see why I would think everything was ok? He squirmed lol. Then he told me that if I'm upset or withdrawn and don't want to talk he assumes it is about him. *sigh* I told him that I assume the exact opposite. Especially when he's got a long list of things to whine about and I'm/we're not on it.

Course none of this really gets me anywhere as we've had conversations we should have had six months ago it now seems in hindsight, but I'm still by myself with just the dog to talk to lol.

He is the one initiating contact 99% of the time. And he was also the one initiating the conversation Sunday night. So I guess I am very dim, giving him space to miss me.