W has really been struggling lately, yesterday she got so stressed and worked up about her work that she threw up. She barely eats anything and has lost a lot of weight and is really struggling.
She was hospitalized a couple weeks ago as she also is having some heart issues. She missed her most recent appointment w/ her heart doctor and she does not seem in any kind of a rush to reschedule. She of course always says she's fine and just brushes it aside but I obviously know better.
I checked with her about her health and what she ate today and she got defensive which is usually the case. I told her I can stop asking her but i don't want her to think that I don't care because that is why I ask.
She tells me that I ask her in a condesending way and she feels like a 5-year old. (Of course she acts like 1 at times) I apologize and stress to her that she really needs to take care of herself better. She has our 3 boys and then her sister's kids who she watches and they all depend on her.
As I write this I can see where she is coming from. I asked her if she had a friend that was in her position what would she do. She says that they are an adult and can take care of themselves.
She then tells me what about when I was going through some tough times previously (mild depression) I said that she got on my a** and did what she thought was helpful.
She asked if I felt like a 5-year old and I said at times, yes. She apologized. I asked her what she thought my motive/intentions are in asking her to take better care of herself and she said because I care. I said absolutely. I asked her if she preferred me to not ask or check in on her health wise as it seems like she takes it as me nagging or if I should check in but try to do it in a non-condesending way.
She said she wants me to check in in a non-condesending way and said that if she is bitchy to remind her that she told me to do so.
So all in all the communicaiton was helpful to me in that I got a clue of something that I probably do a lot and that is come across as condesending. I'm not sure how I keep track of this or correct it but i guess with everything, awareness that it is going on is the first step.
